sun-kissed tips, dreamy dozes

I. AM. NO. WOMAN. AT. ALL. (reposted from marengs chiqui and hentai; addendum: koment)

2009-01-29T23:19:00.000-08:00

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her
own, even if she never wants to or needs to... (er, do karitons count?)

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
something perfect to wear if the employer, or date of her dreams wants
to see her in an hour... (the perfect lingerie's so much bettah)

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ..
a youth she's content to leave behind.... (no way!! haha)

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to retelling it in her
old age.... (awww, kaya pala andami nang nake-kwento ni Ralph Gregor Marata Francisco)

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
one friend who always makes her laugh... and one who lets her cry... (Si JOGALYNNE 'to sakin, ONE AND THE SAME!! i sooo miss our Muntinlupa days!! haha )

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....
a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family... (hmmm, a manwhore??)

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a
meal, that will make her guests feel honored... (Bhabesz felt honored when he/she/it tasted my version of the tiramisu!! )

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
a feeling of control over her destiny... (Swear, I'm entering the convent first thing tomorrow)

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to fall in love without losing herself... (Earth to Chiqui, hahaha )

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to quit a job, break up with a lover, and confront a friend
without ruining the friendship... (Did I somehow manage to do all of those last year?? )

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
when to try harder... and WHEN TO WALK AWAY... (EARTH TO JOGALYNNE )

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
that she can't change the length of her calves, the width of her hips,
or the nature of her parents.. (Kilala mo si Vicky Belo??)

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
that her childhood may not have been perfect...but its over... (HALIKA NGA ULI DITO, BHABESZ!! )

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
what she would and wouldn't do for love... (KETCHY, SAPUL BA?? *hugs*)

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to live alone... even if she doesn't like it... (Sad!! andami-daming homeless kitties e!! )

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW..
whom she can trust, whom she can't, and why she shouldn't take it personally... (EARTH TO JACKY LYNNE OIGA!! )

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
where to go... be it to her best friend's kitchen table... or a
charming inn in the woods... when her soul needs soothing... (This is Bhabesz singing his version of Spongecola's Jeepney hahaha)

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
what she can and can't accomplish in a day... a month...and a year... (Can't stop missing my baby Poi... )

^__^

artista na pala ako, shiettt!! hahaha ( :

2009-01-03T04:39:00.000-08:00

"Pangarap Na Bituin also stars top-notch actors namely Arianne Orellosa, Ivan De Lara, Jenny Ravelo and Hershey Homol..."

ganto yan, i have a friend who told me na pag ginoogle daw ang pangalan ko, may lalabas na entry from alodia haters club.

Napa-tanga ako kasi nga non ko lang narinig yung alodia haters club, at hindi naman ako member dun.

Anyhow, nothing much about that alodia entry. Something about Jogalyne, Chiqui, and me lang. You can check out the said thread HERE.

Shempre, na-curious ako, kaya ginoogle ko din ang name ko. The only other time I searched for my name online was when i was looking for my published works sa Inquirer.

Among the other entries that came up, na-curious ako dun sa "abs cbn forum" pertaining to moi, as well as other names na part ng college life ko.

And when i clicked on the cached link...

"pangarapnabituin_4jrn1

(6 members, Unmoderated)

Pangarap Na Bituin is the latest teleserye that will mirror the reality behind the glitz and glamor of the showbiz world. Jamaica Pascual, Dale De Vera, and Joyce Segui play the Jewel Sisters, a singing pop trio who will walk the royal yet sometimes rocky road to fame. After the tragedy that left their parents dead, Sapphire (Jamaica), Emerald (Dale), and Ruby (Joyce) are accidentally separated from one another. But one dream will make their paths cross, and together, they will make music that fans all over the country will deeply adore. At first, they will all think that their love for one another as sisters will see them through the challenging life as celebrities. But little did they know that there is more to dream than the wealth and glory. Sapphire is willing to do whatever it takes to get ahead. Emerald wants to be with Terrence (Kevin Jimeno), but the manipulative manager Alberta (Evangeline Evangelista) will stand against their love. Ruby will battle with her own insecurities to gain the self-esteem she needs. Pangarap Na Bituin also stars top-notch actors namely Arianne Orellosa, Ivan De Lara, Jenny Ravelo and Hershey Homol. Directed by Trina Dayrit and Eric Salud, this new teleserye will feature the best of drama and music. Be sure to catch Pangarap Na Bituin beginning September 3rd on ABS-CBN Primetime Bida." (Check out actual link HERE).

I SWEAR!! For a good five to ten minutes ata, e tawa lang ako ng tawa. saka ko lang naalala na antagal nga palang running joke samin before 'tong "Pangarap Na Bituin" Dreamcast.

Wala lang, it just made my night. hahahahaha ( :

------

And you know what "un-made" my night??

this expose show in a local channel. Although it wasn't a first for an expose show to dedicate an entire episode to these--domestic squabbles, FOR ME, are best left out of the public's tv sets. Especially when that particular squabble only concerns adultery/concubinage of sorts.

Hindi sa minamaliit ko yung issue ng adultery, pero naman, andami-dami namang pwedeng ibang gawan ng expose. at kung adultery na rin lang naman, sana man lang naghanap sila ng tipong malalaking tao, yung tipong ikakagulantang ng marami dahil public figure yung involved. Yung may anggulo man lang sana ng "betrayal of public trust". Like, kung nakapag-investigate man lang sana sila ng pulitiko na guma-ganon. but on second thought, wag na pala, ayoko palang ma-tv. hahaha joke

E, kamusta naman yung in-expose nila kanina, parang gusto kong tampal-tampalin yung segment producers kasi, hello, sa tingin nyo ba naiintindihan ng mga yan ang word na "concubinage". mas problema kaya nila kung pano sila susunod na kakain!! (hindi ako nagmama-sama). Para kasing sinastify lang ng mga producers ang need nung neighborhood for chismis sa mga nailantad nila.

Im not saying that these people's collective ignorance of the law should excuse them from its binding power. Nor am i condoning their illegal acts. I just hate it when local channels waste precious airtime. Airtime which could have been properly utilized to address other more pressing social concerns. and to borrow some words from our "thesis album",

TANGNA, ANDAMING NAGUGUTOM SA MUNDO, PAMBABABAE PA RIN PINOPROBLEMA NYO?!"

Ayun wala lang. Na-share ko lang.

------

hay, sobrang na-miss ko sila: Jacky Lynne Oiga, Angela Lourdes Rebueno, at Ralph Gregor Francisco.

Kaya ayan, instead na manood ng MMFF flick (Baler!! Anne!!), at dahil fully-booked ang Redbox Trinoma, napadpad kaming Centerstage Morato.

Late as usual si bhabesz. pero, keri na rin, dahil ibe-burn nya ko ng dvd, diba bhabesz, di ba?? *happyface*

i heart them so much!! at shempre, phonecam lang lahat ng shots jan, sabi na nga kasing manonood lang dapat ng Baler e

^__^

I guess I'll always be alone.. hahaha (reposted from Mareng Raye's) :p

2008-12-22T13:54:00.000-08:00

SINGAPORE (Reuters Life!) – It really does pay to be a doctor, with an international survey showing the medical profession is the most trusted, among the most admired and includes the most eligible marriage partners.

By contrast, actors and musicians, along with journalists and advertisers, were among professionals that people trusted the least, and were also least likely to choose a partner from, according to a survey by Synovate, the market research arm of Aegis Group plc.

"Much of who we are is tied up in what we do in the hours from nine to five, and often way beyond," a Synovate statement said.

"Asking someone what they do for a living is often the first question you ask them; right after 'what's your name?'."

The survey polled about 5,500 respondents in Brazil, Canada, China, France, Malaysia, South Africa and the United States.

It asked people what makes for an admirable job, which professions they trust or do not, who is overpaid, and which profession they would prefer to marry.

Sixteen percent nominated doctors, nurses and other healthcare professionals as their preferred marriage partners, higher than any other profession.

Other eligible -- and admired -- professions were education, at 14 percent, and science and technology, at 10 percent.

Educators and doctors were also voted the most trusted by an overwhelming 86 and 87 percent, followed by homemakers and those in science and technology.

Only one percent picked retail professionals as partner-material, and those in media and marketing, as well as entertainers, did little better at two and three percent.

These professions were also among the least trusted by respondents, who, across the seven markets, picked the media as the single least trusted group.

Entertainers, along with corporate executives and lawyers, were voted as being the most overpaid, while homemakers and educators were among those seen as being underpaid.

(Writing by Miral Fahmy, Editing by Gillian Murdoch and Bill Tarrant)

*PRE-MED KO LANG TALAGA ANG JOURN!!*

^__^

Takoyaki and Literotika for the Annoyed

2008-12-16T05:19:00.000-08:00

Before i headed to Kozui, morato earlier this evening, i managed to still get myself irritated over this incident. i was THAT annoyed i dint realize i was walking very briskly toward the traffic gridlock of San Mig Av, until motorists simultaneously buzzed me back into logical thoughts again.

I was really only able to calm down when i thought of the takoyaki i was surely having for dinner. i have been craving for the really good takoyaki (not those which are sold in food court stalls, ulk) which i haven't eaten for quite some time.

over our servings of takoyaki, my friend and i got to conversing about a subject, a literary genre that i have only heard of then. LITEROTIKA. and yes, your guess is as good as mine. it's erotic literature.

she told me that a couple of people are considering the Literotika novel "One Night Stand" as an indicator of feminine liberalism. The short of the said novel--the heroine "f*cks around", as my friend put it. (or you could also refer to a panitikan.com.ph news archive excerpt below)

he said that a heroine who f*cks around does not indicate feminine liberalism.

i have certainly not read the book. yet. (and now that it has intrigued i might just go and buy myself a copy). so i told J that if the only premise those people have for the indication of feminine liberalism in a heroine is her liberality in performing with ease the most consummating human act, then definitely, that is not enough. Because if she is merely f*cking around, where's the greatness in that?? it's plainly whoring, nothing uncommon about it. if you throw in a wad of cash, then it becomes the cut-and-dried story of prositution. (And as jogalynne aguilar would have it: "SO YESTERDAY" dah-ling).

But, if you would put in another premise to the whole f*cking drama--say, for instance, this is a heroine who sleeps around because she simply could and because she doesn't believe in the politics of it all; or because this heroine could go down on the first night because she's audacious enough to go against the social norms depicting loose women; or because this heroine is smart enough to be just as savvy and tricky as her gender counterparts, then hell yeah, that'd be a good springboard for feminine liberalism.

because if you really wanna liberate the feminine, then you should be able to provide postulates which would remove the woman from the usual social constructs. Start with the age-old depiction of women who melodramatically sulk behind in tears when their men left them after mind-blowing sessions of groping-in-the-dark sex. Change that nauseating portrayal. Show that women, are not unlike the traditional depiction of men anymore. Women can, and will if necessary, make love out of nothing at all (lalalalalala), not for the cash or the pleasure of it, but to get even, for once. Because women could exhibit the manly after-lovemaking characteristics of complacency, disregard, and indifference too.

Because a woman, could be that self-absorbed too, that her ego wouldn't be bruised by something so mundane as a man who wouldn't bother following up on her after a hysterical night of exultations. Because if feminine liberalism were to be contextualized in the sexual aspect, women should never suffer the double standards that conservatism has confined them with.

Don't I just adore takoyaki??

------

Not a few people have told me I think differently from others. Maybe I do. Granted I do, I surely didn't intend to just deviate. How i think, how i act, how i conclude from point A to point B and hereforward, are all results of what "ought" stands for me.

So please don't use what i am against me. Just don't. If you're damn too reserved for me, then don't take notice of me, ignore me, because i honestly couldn't care less. when people prove too out of sync for me, i don't bother with them. So please, please, afford me the common courtesy of not minding me, lest i trample upon your highly morals and inhibitions.

------

lifted from www.panitikan.com.ph

November 4, 2006

Literotika available na

Iba-ibang hilig, kanya-kanyang libog at natatagong pantasya sa seks ang inyong aabangan buwan-buwan. Samu't sari ang tawag ng laman na pinapayaman ng isip na tanging sa imahinasyon lamang nagkakabuhay.

Hot! Wild! Sexy! Ito ang mga larawang bumubuo sa ating mga basang panaginip kung gabi at nag-iisa sa kuwarto habang nakahiga sa kama. Ngayon, ang lahat ng ito ay mabibigyang-buhay sa bawat pahina ng mga nobela ng LITEROTIKA.

Babae, lalaki, third sex, bata o matanda ay may kanya-kanyang eksena na tumatakbo sa isip na parang isang pelikula. Pantasya ng nagbibinatang estudyante ang private lesson kasama ang masungit pero seksing si Ma'am na madalas umaangat ang maiksing skirt habang nagsusulat sa pisara. Habang to sir with love naman ang drama ng kolehiyala na in lab sa kanyang guwapong propesor. Sa pagpasok sa klasrum ay suot ng dalaga ang maiksing skirt na lumilislis sa tuwing nagkukuyakoy ng legs habang nakaupo sa front row, dahilan kung bakit madalas pagpawisan ng malagkit ang nagle-lecture na si Sir. Mapaglaro ang imahinasyon ni Mister dahil sa kanyang pagnanasa sa biyuda pero seksing kapitbahay. Madalas niya itong inaabangan sa umaga na magwalis sa harap ng bakuran dahil ang suot lang nito ay braless na sando at maiksing kuyukot shorts. `Di rin mapigilan ng pasyente ang paninilip sa cleavage ng konserbatibong nurse habang ito ay nakayuko sa kanyang harapan para kuhanan siya ng blood pressure. Mataas ang libido ng isang middle-age na dalaga dahil sa kakaibang pakiramdam ng nakakukuryenteng paghawak ng kanyang yoga instructor sa kanyang balakang habang tinuturuan siya ng tamang posisyon sa pag-meditate, makapag-concentrate kaya siya? `Di na rin iba ang isang gabi ng pag- oovertime kasama ang isang wild na officemate kung saan `di lang brainstorming ang nangyayari sa conference table.Pero hindi dito nagtatapos ang lahat. Dahil sa kabila ng bawat kuwentong libog ay may istoryang may saysay ang bawat tauhan.

Ang kolehiyalang si Grace ang bida sa "One Night Stand", ang isa sa dalawang pinakaunang handog ng Literotika sa mambabasang Pilipino. Iba-ibang lalaki na may iba-ibang personalidad, iba-ibang iskor at iba-iba ring laki ng ari ang kanyang naging pakikipagsapalaran. Lungkot, libog at pagod at kung ano-ano pang emosyon ang kanyang naging laban sa paghahanap ng tamang lalaki para sa tamang pag-ibig. Makabagong bayani ang tawag kay Scott dahil sa kanyang pagsabak bilang isang OFW sa Korea na dahilan kung bakit iniwan niya ang kanyang asawa na si Gelli, isang pre-school teacher at ang kanilang anak sa Pilipinas. E-mail ang naging kasagutan ng nobelang "Mingaw" para sa mag-asawa upang mapunan ang kanilang pangungulila sa isa't isa. Tinahak ng kuwento ang naging kasagutan ng mag-asawa sa kanilang pangangailangang pinansyal ngunit paano naman ang pangangailangan ng katawan?

Sa Literotika, malayang inilalarawan sa wikang Filipino ang kulturang Pilipino, seks at lipunan. Matapang at lantarang hinuhubad para sa mambabasa ang iba't ibang istorya ng bawat kasarian nang walang kimi at hiya para maipahayag ang tunay na pagnanasa ng ating katawan at isipan sa pamamagitan ng panitikan.

Ang edisyong Literotika ay mabibili sa lahat ng National Bookstore outlets. Para sa karagdagang impormasyon, mga interesadong distributor at/o manunulat, tumawag sa 856-0347 o mag-email sa market2@philsprint.ph

------

^__^

To Do Something Spontaneous, You'll Need...

2008-12-12T11:25:00.000-08:00

..A Motorbike. Check.

..A Newfound BFF. Check.

..A Really Really Nice, Cold, Breezy Evening. Check.

..Ow, a full moon too. Check.

..Plus a lot of gall to go to Antipolo, from Morato, at almost 2 in the morning!! Mm-mm.

it's eight in the morning and i still haven't slept since i got up at 11 am yesterday. almost twenty-four hours, man!!

This is probably the caffeine-and-antipolo-induced adrenaline rush. I'm really on a high. And what bliss. I haven't felt this way in such a long time. Really, you've just gotta do something you've never done before in your life and voila, an instant spirit uplift!!

I was having a pretty slow Friday night, (something I have never really grown accustomed to especially when i used to always hang out with this someone..). I was already seeing myself going home (from Morato) at 1am. Bummers.

This is where my newfound bff comes in. He's so newfound that i actually met him just hours ago. It was his idea that we motorbike to Antipolo. Of course, I don't own a motorbike so i had to scoot off with him. And i've never actually been anywhere on a big bike (i just do the scooter and that's like a plaything) so i was really just game for the ride.

Imagine, we were in Antipolo like in less than TWENTY f*cking minutes. Seriously!! Talk about the need for speed, dah-ling!!

And i was just enthralled by the "going there" that the city lights as seen from antipolo's peak just paled in comparison to what i felt. the rush. of my blood as we sped along the highways. and the rush of the cool evening air against my face (never mind the pollution that is the air we breathe in in the metro).

Now i know why alicia silverstone was all that in Aerosmith's Cryin' vid. haha

next stop: tagaytay. hell yeah!!

^__^

Policemen. They do Serve. They do Protect.

2008-12-08T05:11:00.000-08:00

read the title?? good, then you must know what sardonic means.

im sure by now you've already gone beyond your initial shock on the outcome of the pacquiao-de la hoya "dreammatch" (nay, fixed match) and that you've at least somehow managed to get wind of the other local news.

if not, click on this article.

I was watching the evening news when something really really dumbass stupid got hold of my temper and infuriated me like hell.

One police director/officer, let's call him the "Incredibly Stupid Mr. B", said he will be asking his men to review the pnp's sacred book on the rules of engagement. In fact, Incredibly Stupid Mr. B will even be asking directors to carry the handbook with them whenever they have some really fancy operations like say, the takedown of really really skilled robbers, so they would be guided in their tactics.

And all the time he was saying this, Incredbly Stupid Mr. B put on a face which he might have thought of as the "puppy-eyed" look, but which just screamed "hey, we shouldn't be made responsible for collateral damage!!"

F*ck. Do doctors carry with them their 'basic anatomy' during surgeries?! Do lawyers, when representing their clients, bring with them their constitution books just so they would be reminded of the basic laws of the land?! They don't!! You know why, because they know their craft by heart, as if knowing it comes as easy to them as breathing. And more so because they are (and ought to be) prepared in advance. Would you want a surgeon (hot as he would be) operating on you as he follows a step-by-step procedure from a surgery book?! Or a lawyer defending you in the highest court and he keeps on asking you what you're being charged with?! hell no!!

And no, being a policeman is not any different!! it's a profession which requires mastery of skills as well. it asks for precision especially when you're chasing down perps and civilians are in your line of fire. you don't just empty your ammo everywhere you believe the targets are. because you SHOULDN'T even be talking to bereaved families afterwards, explaining to them that their departed beloveds were merely in the crossfire. Get some dignity as*holes, maybe then you'd understand shame.

You idiots have killed, among others, a father/husband and his daughter. You don't get to wipe your guns clean of reponsibility by telling the surviving wife/mother that her family got caught in the crossfire. You imbeciles don't get to tell that woman that while she was waiting to be picked-up by her "mag-ama", her mag-ama is getting gunned-down in their car. That woman still clutches her daughter's pillows at the wake. Her husband is a migrant worker who was just in town for their daughter's seventh birthday. SEVENTH. And you know what this woman said on national tv?! "Bakit natira pa 'ko?" ("Why did I not perish too?")

No. you idiotic policemen should never be absolved of the carnage you've brought about by your incompetence.

And in true Queen-Marie-Antoinette-of-France fashion,

~~To the guillotine --~~

Bastards.

A Very Sex and The City-ish | Clueless-ish Prattling

2008-12-05T06:30:00.000-08:00

Vibrators are the new haw-haws.

After lunch-out, I went with my officemates to Tonton's (a pseudonym I would give to this popular mall-based convenience store). They bought some toiletries, while I watched passersby from the store's entrance.

Watching passersby got boring after a minute so i just checked the items displayed at the pharmacy bar.

It seems that the side of the bar I'm looking at should be labeled the "sex-starved station". Not only were condoms VIBRANTLY displayed over the counter, but on the top rack were also... V-I-B-R-A-T-O-R-S.

It's not so much that I find it inappropriate for stores to sell these ameeeey-zing stuff (a lot of convenience stores display their condom selection up front). But shouldn't be vibrators displayed elsewhere, somewhere a tad bit secluded (not right next to the entrance), where toddlers would not easily find them and ask about their use from the caught-off-guard parents??

Ow, and did I tell you about the time when I was at another branch of Tonton's and I found lubricants majestically placed in a bowl by the counter again?

When did vibrators and lubricants replace my fond childhood memories of haw-haws (you know, those milk candies?) displayed at the sari-sari store's window??

Which brings me to my Carrie Bradshaw point--*use Sarah Jessica Parker meets Alicia Silverstone narration tone here* Why do vibrators and lubricants seem to tell you THAT YOU'RE NOT GETTING ANY?!

*keyboard tapping sound*

And how does Christmas manage to remind single people just how single they are??

*some sex-and-the-city theme song mildly blending into the background*

In the few months that i have been surrounded by real couples who have been at it for almost half a decade, I asked myself wonderingly, how in the world do these couples last years?? and why couldn't i even find myself a decent person to be with when all the world around me is having a merry little christmas with their specific someones??

And so i observed my specimens. These couples that seem to abound in my workplace. There's the pair who seems to be mere playmates because they always look like they're having a fun time together. Then there's this couple who are more like the traditional marrying type: very supportive and protective of each another. and then the very curious couple, the one that don't look like they're stiIl together because they fight a lot, never see each other much, and are almost at odds with their dreams for the future... and yet, they still are together. Still counting the months and years of their togetherness.

That's when it hit me. i realized that relationships need not be comprised of qualities i have found so often in my Marriage & Family Book ~~(duh, seryosohin ba ang librong 'yon?!).~~
I came to the conclusion that couples who see it through the years are those who are just perfectly content with each other. Overrated maybe, but content nonetheless. Satisfied, from the beginning, with what each other could offer. A contentment that easily weathers even the swift hands of time.

Perhaps that's it. That's why I am never able to sustain a long-time, honest-to-goodness, relationship. I tend to wriggle myself out of relationships because i start asking for things, which at first, i was very content in not having.

So there goes my first resolution for the up-and-coming year. I would be more accepting of someone who has also been very accepting of me. Granted of course, that that someone is borgy manotoc, or anne curtis. *batting lashes*

Meanwhile, I am excited to see and be with my Vkada again, this time next week. Not only are they few of my bestest best friends, but also, they are all, very much, adorably SINGLE. Yey me!! ~~(Damayan na 'to, oy!! pag singled ako, single tayong lahat!! *evil laughter*)~~

But if, and when, the time comes that all my single friends somehow manage to become coupled permanently and happily, would i still be wondering why i remain adorably... alone??

*ending notes of sex and the city theme song*

^__^

Passiva-Aggressiva

2008-11-25T06:33:00.000-08:00

It'd seem as though writing for a music magazine has stripped me of myself. yes, myself. or at least that self which i know i've been for the last couple of years.

I was having a bad day already even before one of my superiors talked to me. I was cursing this dumass paper which cost me a P500 penalty for not revising on time. It's for an online thing and though it has no real direct impact on my career pathing, i was and still am pissed with the P500 penalty. goodness, that's already worth a round of tequila shots!! (kamown, you've gotta admit to that!!)

and then, we lined up for a one-on-one with the superior. it's a one-on-one discussion regarding the more errrr, pecuniary aspect of our work, so naturally everyone's just too excited to hear his take.

while i was awaiting my turn, i chatted up one of my officemates and since he was talking about life back in college and how he wanted to just go back there and ace all his subjects, i casually brought up that i was just taking a break from school and that i still have every intention of going back and pursuing my law studies.

to which he just matter-of-factly said, "You're too passive to be in law, if you assert yourself more, maybe..."

of course i do not begrude him for saying those things. he's one of the nicest guys in our office and i do consider him a friend already. i was more shocked with the way he said those words, not a hint that he was only kidding and that he expected me to laugh anytime, rather he said that line in all honesty. like, like it's the most natural thing to say of me, that i am indeed quite passive.

i haven't recovered from this shock when the superior talked to me. although i wasn't really expecting that much of a financial increment (read: im just turning five months in the company this coming month), i wasn't prepared as well for his bargain. i was again shocked to my senses, but of course, i smiled. i was reeling hard inside and i wanted so much to tear someone's limbs to pieces but i amazed even myself when i just smiled and nodded to everything he had to say.

again, it was not so much the monetary terms that baffled me (although yeah, it did sting) as his consequent discussion that really knocked off the air in me. he intimated that im not so communicative as i ought to be, that sometimes he would assume i do nothing because when he looks at my station im just downright staring at my phone. implicitly, it all boils down to me not doing my job.

and while i wanted so much to scream, scream at him,--and tell him that i would gladly oblige if he told me sooner to announce in detail on the PA system what i was doing everytime he checks on us in the office-- I DIDN'T. i wanted so much to tell him off, to refute his every observation of me because i could prove otherwise, to say to his face that not doing anything kills me and that i always look for something to do, something both mentally and physically requiring, even if it means just walking four floors up and having a fun conversation with novia. but i clammed up. not only did i not want to create a scene, but i also did not want to vent all my anguish on this one person. ~~i've been too unhappy lately and i haven't had a release. i dint want that situation to be.~~

then it got me thinking, was i really less aggressive than i know i used to be?? was this somehow the price i had to pay for forcing myself into a position that i may not yet be ripe for??

im afraid that i've become overly-pacified, that perhaps "passive" is my only possible characterization because i don't engage in heated arguments anymore. i miss fighting back. i miss being the resistance. i miss being despised.

nay, even my ex-lovers would never describe me as passive. they'd probably say im the bitch that stole christmas. but i surely did not become a bitch by being passive.

being passive is just unforgivable. especially when i wake up every day wishing i could do more because my present engagements prove to be too lackadaisical. i want the flare and i want that flare while i carve my all-too-important niche in this world. i would never pass up on any chances and yet opportunities to better my skills seem to be evading my very grasp. wouldn't it prick you too if you know you're willing and able but no one else would take your word for it?!

im frustrated. disappointed. there's such a thing as mid-life crisis, so why won't psychoanalysts name this particular time in one's life when you've freshly stepped out of the university and you're raring to just have everything you've always wanted and worked hard for in educational toil, NOW, in one fell swoop. i want them all now, in my pockets, in my bank assets, or in my CV.

am i ranting too long already?? Shag me so i can stop the tirade.

Shagged.

^__^

dude, foreseeable eh??

2008-09-30T08:38:00.000-07:00

is it so criminal nowadays to want something with a foreseeable outcome??

screw me. but screw you just the same. if all things were not created to be infinite, then why bother with the stable and all that loada crap referred to as permanent?!

one time, my friend-- nay, my ex-friend-- rather my acquaintance, or simply this person (since i lost track already of what we really are to each other) asked me pointblank, "Ba't ba lahat ng bawal gusto mo meron ka?!" translation: "Why do you want to have everything that's prohibited?! (or illicit, or illegal, or unlawful, or forbidden, or unauthorized--depending on your choice of thesaurus term)

and i was really really taken aback by that question.

No.1: Everything?! I haven't even befriended dear old coke, or even the poor man's coke, or marijuana, or whatever it is in the stretch of illegal drugs name, so there, that kicks everything prohibited's ass

No.2: Are we even talking of the same "illegal" here?? Your illegal could mean only those punishable by the law while my illegal might actually run the gamut of everything which is morally, ethically, and politically wrong and inconceivable,

which brings me to this, why can't anyone humor me for fancying foreseeable ends?!

why can't anyone understand that i'd rather have a relationship which i know will end, than that which promises the flowers and the bees and the moon up above, until such a time when the flowers start wilting, the bees start stinging, and the moon up above start, well, eclipsing?!

of course i too, would want a real relationship, preferably with a real man, or preferably still with a real hot lady. i would want that cutesy relationship which gets you flooding your friendster, your multiply, your facebook or whatever photo album-enabled online account you have with oh-so-cutesy-pictures of you two together, or of him during his childhood years looking so much like the cutesy offsprings you two are planning to bring to this world.

i would very much want that cutesy relationship which makes me celebrate cutesy monthsaries, and later, cutesy anniversaries where we give each other really cutesy stuff like cutesy stuffed toys, with cutesy pillows, and really really cutesy clothes. we repeat this cutesy cycle until later we both just burst with too much cutesies in our world. *happiness*

EXACTLY why i embrace the "foreseeable" culture. because you know what happens when you're in a real relationship and then for a lot of circumstantial and substantial reasons, you start hating each other?! you try to make things work again, even if everything, everyone is already pulling you apart. you try to remember all the cutesy memories you've shared and then pretend that those will suffice. until of course, the relationship just goes kaput, again, for a lot of circumstantial and substantial reasons plus the everyone who just kept on telling you it'd be so much better without the other.

and in a real relationship, i'd have to go through the trouble of removing all those uploaded "happily-coupled" pics, changing my status to something which resembles 'single', and of course, doing the impossible: forgetting the time when things went awry.

REAL gets you reeling backwards, keeling and breathless, begging not to be dealt another blow.

FORESEEABLE gives you certainty. it readies you for the punches waiting to be thrown. sure it's gonna bruise but then you also eagerly bounce back. Certainty and Readiness are good things, after all, wasn't self-preservation a primary human instinct??

just like getting inebriated:

if im in the drinking spree mood, i'd choose strong ice or red horse, even pale pilsen, over your classy lineup of cocktails, mixes, and any other liquor.

it's not being reckless, it's wanting the certainty again. I know that with the brand of beer i've chosen, three regular bottles get me tipsy, and three more get me dead drunk, gibberish, or plainly knocked-out (of course, "happy horses" comprise a different equation).

While Cuervos (i don't finish a bottle, idiot), are open to unmeasured intakes especially in shot glasses. one second you're opening the bottle, the next, you won't even know what hit you. then the white russians, the mix of which (as well as any other cocktails), varies according to bar policies, so some you'd enjoy, others you wished you never ordered in the first place.

But Beer is absolute. I might want vodka from time to time, but it is the certainty, the "foreseeability" of beer that gets me hooked.

Foreseeable, such a lovely taste it leaves in the palette.

P.S. If you're a friend, and you've read this, and you're happily-coupled, lemme extend my sincerest and warmest regards to both of you.

P.P.S. If and only If, you two have been together for at least half a decade or so (that excludes you chiqui)

^__^

dude, foreseeable eh??

2008-09-30T08:36:00.000-07:00

E-HEADS REUNION CONCERT

2008-08-26T18:52:00.000-07:00

According to kuya Jason (Caballa of Pedicab), Eheads Reunion Concert Tickets will start selling tomorrow at TicketWorld. Prices are pegged at P1,060 and P2,030.

Anyone up for free tickets..................??

I Am.

nyahahahahahaha ( :

^__^

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HOT MOMMA | Mechanical Bull | Eheads Concert

2008-08-25T20:40:00.000-07:00

first things first, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY ONE AND ONLY HOT MOMMY!! ( : She turns 48 today, and she's still a knockout. yeah!! ( :

------

okay, so originally, the Eheads concert will be staged at the CCP open grounds and sponsored by a certain cigarette company. But with all the fuss about health issues, the cigarette sponsorship was cancelled.

tickets are now selling for P1500, ask me where, and im gonna answer you another day ( :

edit: sabi ni sir eric, pini-print pa lang daw ang tix, by tonight pa daw malalaman kung saan ibebenta ( :

for a while there i almost wished i was a smoker. because the people who were covering the event are smokers. supposedly, there would be a tour of the cigarette plant located in the metro and in batangas. the eheads reunion concert is the culminating event.

and im still not sure whether i'll get a press pass for the event. i hope i do, i really wanna cover the event for my sister whose explicit wish was i video-record the concert. haha ( :

------

looking for a way to stay up and very alert sans the usual energy drink?? im betting Gloria Jean's coffee and/or tea. novia and i had one of those last friday during our mini-thesis reunion and we both stayed awake until the wee hours of sunday!!

*toinx*

anyhow, the original *emphasis emphasis* sr babes went out last saturday together with other varkadas hahahaha i figured since i couldn't sleep at all, i'd just meet up with them. besides, i really really *emphasis emphasis again* missed those people. i haven't gone out with them for quite some time, especially when i got swamped with a double job. so there. happy!!

and while we were at W, kuya jaud and marckie babes B.I.-ed me to ride a mechanical bull!! nyahahahahaha, imagine, they really made us sign a waiver which basically makes them non-liable for anything which happens to us!! *horrors*

but after a lot of pulling and tagging, i finally rode my high bull haha, and it was actually fun. i only managed to hurt myself when i got down because my left foot fell on a deflated area near the mechanical bull, whereas my right foot landed safely on a very inflated area.

will post video of that bull ride as soon as i grab it from ate jam's!! haha

------

during the mini-thesis reunion last friday:

"Pag maliit nga naman mundo mo o, malabas ka lang ng konti akala mo malaki na" --Eric Melendez, 2008 (context not to be revealed)

yikeee novia, ngingiti na yan!! halika nga dito novia!!

*hearts*

^__^

"pakingsheeettt, banda" Read this, Nikki Avila. ( :

2008-08-18T08:00:00.000-07:00

That's an original line from Tuesday of Top Junk.

and well, she said that in a very different context as i would now use it

This is where I'm coming from:

NOT EVERYONE WHO FRIGGIN KNOWS HOW TO TINKER WITH MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS SHOULD START A BAND!!

Earlier, i woke up to the sound of hellish banging. only a lot later did i realize that the banging was actually a group of neighbors trying to pull off a full-scale band performance.

miserably pulling it off.

imagine a perpetually-congested nasal passage (i.e. a "ngongo") and translate that to the sound of drums and guitars, and other what-have-theys.

yes, it sounded a lot like that. and worse, it's like they continued playing even after they inadvertently punctured their drums.

good thing they dint make matters more riotous by employing vocals, else they be sued for felony.

okay, so maybe they were merely having some good 'ole band practice. but if that were the case, shouldn't they be doing that in, i don't know, sheesz, a studio maybe?? with a room triply padded especially for starters and/or their kind.

they shouldn't be trying that stint out loud, at the expense of terrified alley cats.

------

so, i don't play any instrument. send me to the gallows.

but i still think i would be able to say when a set just plainly stinks.

and while i am no great fan of hardcore rock, i know i'd still be able to differentiate between the lauded rakrakan and the wannabe. (NOT!!) nyahahahaha ( :

yeah, i also happen to hear a lot of rakrakan lately, probly because i now work in a mag which freely advocates that. and when people at the office start playing their brand of rakrakan, i have this inexplicable urge to slink in the shadows and stay there--i just can't seem to share their enthusiasm for that, try as i may. im undeniably a lost case.

ow, i am officially assuming my new post tomorrow. full-time eagerly clueless writah at that.

------

there's just one time that i was in a band practice. a spectator at that.

beshty nikaria, if you're reading this, yes, im talking about you ex's band.

they rehearsed in a studio somewhere near sm north edsa and i had to go with the ex because we both agreed to meet up with beshty later.

during band practice, i was real wise enough to be seated near the drums.

so after their set, while they were applauding one another, i did the most mundane human act: I YAWNED. because i needed to squeeze out the unneeded air from my eardrums.

i dint realize that a yawn could be so telling until i saw the puzzled, nay, outraged looks on their faces.

nixie's ex: "pare, hinihikaban lang tayo o"
the other two in unison: "oo nga e, na-bore ata"
ex: "tirahan natin nung *insert name of forgotten song here*"
me: "nde ang galing niyo, sumakit lang talaga tenga ko, tara uwi na tayo, (to ex) puntahan na natin si nikaria"

all three looked rather scathingly at me and started playing their respective instruments again.

------

I am currently addicted to Fergie's Barracuda, opening chords (of which i am not sure if it is the rightful term, i just found it fancy)

Thou shalt listen to it. emphasis emphasis on opening instruments.

I think I heard someone in the office play those chords even before i got to listen to barracuda. I liked it that much i was actually on the verge already of threatening him with a britney spears album if he stopped playing. :p

*Barracuda uploaded in my multiply playlist*

------

Just watched Iwitness featuring Pier 16.

I know that parents would always want the best for their children.

That's why i completely miss the point of parents who still wanna produce offsprings given their really, really, unbearable living conditions (like residing under the chassis of container vans parked at the port, and making do with barely P800 a week).

You see, while I am no defender of the land's politics, i would insist that the government is not always the place to assign the blame.

-----

I am so so so in love with Michael Phelps!!

and i am not talking about his record olympic golds here,

man, im talking of the bod here!! a wonderland, demigod, bod!!

now all he has to do is look a bit more like my lovah below

and im gonna pledge my loyalty to him for all eternity

nyahahahaha

^__^

"my problem, not yours"

2008-08-13T08:26:00.000-07:00

joey aka our eic: "Hey Hershey. Do u listen to Paramore? Got an exclusive phone interview if u want it..."

me: "Sorry, I haven't heard of Paramore till now..."

joey: "Dnt worry, its cool abt the Paramore thing..."

nyahahahahahahaha, kaya nga mahal ko na sobra ang eic namin eh, dahil sa kanya eh mejo made-delay ang pag-terminate/fire sakin sa pulp, siguro kung dati one week, ngayon after one week and two days na lang nila ako palalayasin sa publication!! ( :

me to novia: "novia, sikat ba ang paramore??" *retells conversation w/ joey*

novia: "sheeeeeeeeeeettttttttttt, di mo sila kilala?!"

me: "ah so sikat sila??, kala ko kasi another underground rakrakan sila eh"

*toinx*

me to pao aka our photogs: "pao, alamo ba yung paramore??"

pao: "oo naman, favorite ko yun eh" *tells about his not-so-subtle adoration for lead vox hayley, which includes hairstyle influence, multiply posts, plus a lot more*

me: ah okay, *retells conversation with joey*

pao: "faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaak"

moral of the story: wag ipagtatanong ang bandang ikaw lang ang ndi nakakaalam, mamumura ka lang ng mga tao haha ( :

funny pa, kasi when i checked out their site and listened to their songs, i realized that i know some of their tracks!! di ko lang alam na sa kanila pala yun and/or na yun ang title nun. one which i really liked, even way before was their "Misery Business" and all this time i thought it was Avril's. oo na, shungak na nga ako. bah.

basta ang alam ko, paninindigan ko 'tong ginagawa 'ko, eng-eng na kung eng-eng, i'll let them figure that one out by themselves and possibly fire me in the process, basta magsusulat ako, kung pano man yun, sa magasin na 'to. haha ( :

------

Last Friday, Pao and I went to Club Dredd to cover a band's album launch. but before that, we were at this "Rock for Gold" Olympics Opening night concert dun sa IMAX theater parking (yey me, ang lapit, sa karagatan na pinagwe-work-an ko).

As we were about to leave, one of the event organizers (i think) handed us a couple of take-home bags. shempre, si pao ang may bitbit nung bags, pagbukas niya ang laman lang naman eh malaking-malaking tanduay tas may shirt haha ( : ayun, binully niya na lang si ate plato wraps na itabi muna yung bags kasi nga naman di ko rin iuuwi yun, ma-shock pa ang mga tao dito sa bahay "nakipag-lasingan ka lang ata eh!!"

so there, we went from coast-to-coast and landed our butts in Libis. I earlier found out that the original Dredd was in edsa. and that this place in Libis was a remake of sorts.

halata naman first time ko sa place di ba??

although way before, friends have been inviting to the place already. okay, slash that, A friend invited me to the place before, that was a year ago i think, yikeee.

ah well, thank heavens kasama ko si pao dahil sha yung may alam sa lugar, at sa mga tao na rin, nagugulat na nga lang ako pag bigla shang may kinakausap na kung sino dun sa place, parang "uyyy close!!" ( :

nga pala, nakita ko si raydon dun sa dredd, he/she was with this girl, kalimutan ko yung name basta kumakanta sha, sha yung kumanta dun sa inkblots closing dinner namin last year. ooohhh, thinking of sushis.. and LBM haha

anyhow, to say that the place is minimalist would be a total understatement. it's a really intimate enclosure, translation: small place, so kung naghakot ka ng maraming tao for your event there eh expect mo na na yung ini-exhale nila, yun na rin ang derecho mong ini-inhale. at, at kung hindi ka smoker, well prepare your lungs and your eyelids na rin sa matinding smoke machine coming from cigarettes here, there, and everywhere. seryoso, mahihilam ka sa pollution, tipong wag kang mag-a-eyeliner at mascara dahil matutunaw yung mga yun pag uminit na sa dami ng tao na tuma-tambucho.

ayun, and dun ko rin lang nalaman that Tuesday Vargas really sings. like seriously, buma-banda. i mean, i never knew her musical prowess beyond the novelty of "Babae po ako". And damn, you really should see her perform. na-tibo na naman ako when i watched her. (dun ko rin lang na-realize na kaya pala sha asa batangas dun sa isa kong cover eh dahil nag-perform sila) her band's name is top junk. astig niya talaga sobra!! before, i never really appreciated girls who wore red pants. like you could only pull off those crimson red pants if you were a hot supermodel. a whole lot of chutzpah wouldn't be enough for that. but when tuesday wore those red pants, augh, na-inlove ako!! i actually enjoyed more Top Junk's set for the night than the featured band's album launch.

ayon nga pala kay pao, si tuesday yung pumalit sa vox ng Put3ska nung umalis yun.

pansin niyo ang number of times i name-dropped pao?? nyahahahahahahahahahahaha, aba shempre, bago ko yang bff!! BFF!! at hinikayat ko rin shang gawing akong bff!! haha

eh kasi akala ko iiwan na talaga ako ni novia sa antel, so naghanap shempre ako ng friend dahil shy kid me, at ayoko namng magpaka-close lang bigla sa office. nagkataon lang na si pao ang palagian 'kong nakakasama sa cover, mapa-billy crawford man o dredd or layout ng mozcom. so there. BFFS!!

at swear novia, di ko talaga ni-jinx yung pagre-resign mo sa antel!! there was a small part of me that wished na hindi mawawala ang novia ko na pumupunta sa 16th floor para magbigay lang ng turon sakin, or kay sir ewik man :p pero promise, di ko hiniling na hindi ka na lang sana mag-resign..

pero since di ka na naman magre-resign, edi happy!! wahahahahaha

------

pao to me on the way to libis: "alamo yung "insert band names here"

me: "uhmmm..." *blank stare*

pao: "wala ka talagang alam noh??"

me: "hehe"

pao: "sige, okay lang yan"

it still baffles me until now. how i managed to land this post. kasi i applied with novia, and well, mi novia is just way more eligible for the position than i am. and that's no pep talk. novia would know bands even before they make it to high-time mainstream, she plays the guitar, and dances to crazy frog too, she acts pretty well also. oha, oha, laban?! haha

so when they actually called me to say that im hired and asked when i could start, sobrang tagal kong pinrocess yung news.. as in sabi ko, "can i call you back later?" dahil ganun ako ka-shocked. i even threatened to gut sir vic if i ever find out that he asked sir eric to get me into the publication. and that threat still stands to date. yabang noh?!

i couldn't even bring myself to tell novia about it. and it's not even because im afraid she would take it badly, like duh, gusto niya lang naman yung post dahil kay stalkee 1 at 1.5, *lol* but it was more of, i was waiting for pulp to deliberate among themselves kung tama nga ba yung decision nila. (malamang habang bina-blog ko 'to eh nagde-deliberate na si joey at vernin sa nagawa nilang pag-hire sakin)

i eventually told novia ofkorz, kasi i know that if it were the other way around, novia would tell me too. NOT!! haha ( :

di ako bumabanda. lalo namang di ako nagpapaka-vocalist. ktv oo, sobra. i follow the mainstream musical arena, although heavily-westernized ang gusto ko. but i am no fanatic. ewan ba, bakit hindi na lang ako naging normal na bata na nahihimatay malaman lang na tutugtog sila ganito, dito at doon.

i am inclined toward protest songs (malamang, thesis namin yan). i like a number of local artists, but as i've said before, di talaga ako fan girl material. i don't impulsively buy cds of bands, if i want a song, i download it in limewire.

the last time i wanted to buy a cd badly, and had no resources to buy that which i was overly-addicted with, was when i was 13 years old. At the last minute, I got my parents to buy me a P500-special cd tour album of The Moffats.

i don't consider myself THAT musically-inclined. unless of course you'll consider some of the people i went out with ~~(a bassist-slash-student photographer; a singer-slash-composer-slash-protester; a keyboardist-slash-filmmaker-slash-writer; all of them whatevahs)~~

and im pretty sure, i dint include my dating options in my resume.

so you see, however it is that i landed the post was very much questionable. before, my friends would really gape at me and my song selection, i.e. cabangon and granada. Today, im left gaping at how well-versed the people i work with now are with the musical genre. aba dapat lang naman talaga. passion yun, dude, after all that's what your mag's all about.

And it always boils down to this: what is it that i really like writing about??

i have been asked this question in pulp, and in some others. and my answer would always be the same: it's HARDCORE NEWS. send me to where the real action is taking place and i guarantee you a sniping story before the day ends. I just know i could weave myself through anything classified as such because that's where my drive is. and it takes precedence over everything else. everthing else equally places second to my hardcore yearnings.

and yes, i'll pursue that calling in due time. just as soon as my dreamy PDI buzzes me with an opportunity. hah!!

so why did i still continue with the post?? two reasons: one, because i badly need to hone my writing again, ergo, i have to write again. two, because my sister was uberly proud of me when i got the position, and my sister's esteem and personal take on things mean a lot to me.

i have a rocker for a sister. she'll be qualified to assume my post at any given time. she's five years older than me, which means that before, everything she did was so cool, i just had to emulate every bit of it. (arguably, i still feel compelled to do that until now). imagine growing up and wanting to be just like your sister. you wanna be in her circle of friends, which doesn't easily happen especially when she's a highschool senior already and you're still a bumbling fifth-grader. you read what she reads, you talk the way she talks, and you listen to what she listens to.

and there are a lot of artists which were handed down to me by dear sister through a biological process called osmosis--scientifically, from a higher base of concentration to a lower one. insert eheads, parokya, rivermaya, spice girls, and a whole lot of others here. but let me make the boundaries clear, that influence stops where slapshock, greyhoundz, and the like, enter the picture.

now that I have a shot at it, it's high time I make my Ate proud!! ( : haha

besides, i have always maintained that IT'S NOT WHAT YOU CAN DO, BUT WHAT YOU CAN ENDURE.

Amen.

------

nga pala, about the title

im not necessarily mean. but when im in the middle of doing things which i consider really important, like writing, i don't like being pestered.

earlier, the phone rang. usually mommy would answer the phone since most of the time para sa kanya din yung caller. but then she went out for a while so i had to answer the call.

the caller introduced himself and said he's from citibank. he's looking for my mom so i casually told him that she's out and he could probly try calling her again at a later time.

conversation finished. phone hung-up.

by the way, i just had to mention this, the caller had a distinct accent which became more noticeable as he tried to express himself in the English language. again, im not mean, but there are certain things which could easily tick me off during times when i don't wish to be bothered.

not five minutes passed when the same caller rang again, (distinct accent, remember) and i was starting to get annoyed because he was looking for my mom again. and im pretty sure we're not banking with citibank so i was half certain this guy was fishing for credit card applicants.

in a very hurried tone, i told him to call back in an hour or so if he wanted to reach my mom. but he dint stop there, he asked what my relation is to the person he's trying to call. now in an irritated tone, i said i'm her daughter. banat ba namn sakin nang, "so she's your mom?"

really irritated, i said yeah, and again advised him to call back later. then he said a couple of other things, interchanging the female and male pronouns all the while, and i heard myself saying that im really busy at the moment.

then he started asking if we were renting out or if we owned a house, and also inquired about mommy's mobile phone number.

i reiterated that it's best he contact her at the number he's currently calling and he should ask her himself for that detail, if he gets the chance.

sagot ba naman sakin ng: *inflect accent* "But what if in case of emergency, you don't know how to contact her?!"

very irritated me: "THAT'S MY PROBLEM, NOT YOURS!!" *hung-up the phone*

again, i am not usually that mean. i understand that he has a job to do. but i don't want the fulfillment of his tasks hindering mine.

chos!!

^___^

About time dah-ling.

2008-07-27T10:57:00.000-07:00

It's almost 3 am and i still can't sleep. probly the figaro cappuccino i had earlier in tagaytay while on our way back to manila. (that chino was quite, hm, different--even with two packets of sugar, it still tasted like an offshoot of ampalaya)

I've just been to batangas to cover a running event hosted by The North Face and R.O.X. the event was actually cool. It was a first in the country--trail-running covering 100, 20, and 10 km. anyhow, i think i pretty much missed out on the real adventure since i dint try the terrain for myself. The other mediamen did, Therese (MB) and Mitch (PDI) with partner Ken ran in the 20, and 100 km, respectively.

I slept quite a lot during the event that even media relations staff Shyla teased me about it, "She's running the 100km in her dreams" haha

Me wanted to run too, but I dint bring with me any running shoes (only had dressy sneakers then flipflops). duh shey, it's a running event, why dint you bring running shoes?! because duh thought, i wasn't actually eager to run with the contestants just to cover the event. hah. lesson learned. ( :

The whole thing was fun really. Never been that elated for quite some time. Plus it's great getting back in shape for writing again. although im still wondering how the event would relate to a music magazine.. maybe the "Kadangyan" band that played during the second night's mini-concert would be the angle??

And yesh, i've been more than narcoleptic lately.. lot of things going on in my head.. decisions to be made.. *sigh* never thought career pathing could be any tougher. by the way, I am now doing an 18-hour-a-day shift. don't ask.

Now YOU be the judge. I know. There's an amusing ring to it, right??

Kadangyan

Ow, this was something i totally wanted to blog a week-and-a-half ago

So i came in to meet with the publisher the other Friday

Usual stuff: "You're currently working??"; "Accounting takes care of those concerns"; "Probationary period of three months" yada yada yada

and then came, "Name five artists you like"

and I WENT TOTALLY BLANK.

hahahahahahaha

yes, i may not be as musically-diverse as the rest of them are but i sure hell love a lot more artists than the two names (Beyonce, Alanis) that i gave. Note: I don't even like beyonce that much!!

TWO reasons why i went blank: NOVIA. your fault novia!! i kept on thinking about our earlier conversations which ranged from the instruments we'll assume we know how to play, if asked (the accordion and the harmonica), to the kind of music-slash-personalities that were quick reminders of our thesis. Read: Spice Girls and Igan!! ( :

and then, the music video of MY CARONIA. friggin song, it actually made its way to being my LSS for about a week, "Color me the magic of My Caronia lalalalalalala" and then the image of pretty bambinis dancing to that beat. augh!! stop there. no more LSS on that!! imagine, even the constant repetition of Maroon 5's Through With You won't override the gnawing attachment of that song to my head!! bah.

Someone tell me if I'm really cut out for this. shush.

Novia and I are proud of our cold-fried-different-flavored-but-tasted-the-same-nonetheless ice cream. yeah.

------

Just some after-work, Conspi scenes:
Again don't ask. Okay, since you're still asking, Gary took this shot. Amazing right?!
Clockwise from left: Neil, Arni, Moi, Noel, Cubi

Arni and Gary

------

Now i really have to sleep.

^__^

Walang mahirap na trabaho sa malaking sweldo ( :

2008-05-03T10:45:00.000-07:00

"Walang mahirap na trabaho sa malaking sweldo"--AN Trainer Cubi to Neil

hahahahahaha, oo nga naman ( :

related scene:

Neil: Hindi ko pa alam kung papapasukin kita bukas (FYI: Labor Day bukas)

Me: Ok lang naman sakin na pumasok, pero mas magiging masaya ako kung hindi mo na lang ako papapasukin *big toothy grin*

Neil: San ka mas magiging masaya, hindi kita papapasukin bukas o papasok ka, doble ang sweldo mo??

Pumasok ako ng May 1.

Case in point. ( :

im so happy, because last friday night, i finally located where the colorum vehicles (pauwi) are!! wheee!! until last friday kasi, i normally went home via a cab or a ride with my boss. of course, cabs would naturally be more expensive if i ride it on a daily basis, and well my boss, he usually goes home earlier than me. so bless these colorum vehicles, they make my life easier, i hope they never get caught by traffic enforcers ever again hahaha!! imagine, P35 lang compared to my usual cab fare of P120!! ( :

------

Please be seated. Hi, I am Sh8, and I am part of the accent neutralization training team. I am here to give you your pre-employment assessment. So Mr./Ms. *insert surname here*, how do you wish to be called?

*Reply*

Ok, so *insert given name or alias here*, tell me something about yourself.

*Reply*

(Staple questions: How did you learn about ***? Why ***?)

Cool, now *alias*, you have before you our oral assessment folder. Please open that. There you will see that it is subdivided into several parts. The first part is designed to test your pronunciation of word sounds. Please read aloud the sets of words starting with *insert first word here*

*Reads the words*

Now *alias*, the second part deals with the stressed syllable. Please read the words putting the correct stress at the proper syllable.

*Reads the words*

Ok *alias*, the next part focuses on the intonation of sentences. I want you to read the sentences inflecting the proper intonation for each.

*Reads sentences*

For the comprehension part, I want you to read the entire paragraph as you see it in your folder.

*Reads paragraph*

Now *alias*, for the last part of this assessment, I want you to construct four meaningful and substantial sentences using the following words: blah, blah, blah, and blah. Be as original as you can be.

*Gives sentences*

(Evaluates applicant, then based on the assessment, tells the applicant to stay put or well.. to kindly keep the lines open)

(REPEAT 20x or more)

------

Funny, when I was about to sleep last night, I suddenly looked for my recorder. thought i left it sa V office, sa locker ko. But it was just there in one of the shelves. Gathering dust. It just made me sad. Seems like i won't be using my recorder for a journalistic work any time soon. Maybe after a few more months or so, i'll be able to use my handy dandy recorder again. maybe. im enjoying things as they are right now. somehow. i'll consider my more profound dreams later. ow, maybe i should use my recorder to tape my above spiel. TAMA!! ( :

babe, i know you'll be reading this. so there, that's almost how my my week went. im missing you so much already, as in!! mm-mm. :)

^__^

read novia's post and got tagged!! happily obliged ( :

2008-05-03T08:24:00.000-07:00

The rules are easy, just post 10 things that recently made you happy! Then tag 10 people and force them to post this on their blogs.

here are my 10 blahs:

(not necessarily in order)

my prayers, my parents, waiqui&koyang, ACS/AN team, Neil/The Perezes, colorum vehicles, getting lost in Makati and in RCBC, upcoming monthsaries (one of which is with novia, haha), an applicant who told me i had such beautiful eyes oha (ibinagsak ko nga, chos!!), lastly, my dearest baby poi. ( :

now if you read this, you have to oblige with your own list!! hah. :p

^__^

sabado night with the perezes ( :

2008-04-26T11:13:00.000-07:00

it's real cool to be friends again with an old pal.

Last Sat, i met up with neil and ma'am cielo and baby ayesa.

ayesa's such a cutie!! i can't stop playing with her!! ( :

Neil (yes, i still find it awkward to prefix that with a sir since i still get to kick his balls every now and then haha) was nice enough to consider me for a position in the company he works for. *remind me to google/research their company* and i'll be assessed for five working days awaiting possible, emphasis, possible, permanent designation.

job description is, i'll be doing the pre-training interview of almost-qualified applicants. so there. now me hopes i like the work and the work likes me back too. churrah!!

it was a rather fun night, looking at all their wedding pictures and related video. such a sweet couple. ( :

now here's a pic of cutie ayesa, her plump cheeks are stained here by the ice cream i gave her!! hahahahahaha, cuteness!! ( :

baby ayesa carried by mama cielo ( :

^__^

after the holy week sabbatical

2008-03-23T09:43:00.000-07:00

Before the Baccalaureate Mass

Jyaky: Bootch!! *points to someone at the classroom doorway*
Bootch: Si Will de"bong"!! (gushes over her seen crush)
Me (sees long-time crush, not debong): Uy, yung crush ko oh!! (itago natin sa ngalang Neil Andre)
Jyaky to me: Akalain mong may crush ka palang normal?! *toinx*

Oh ayan, palakpakan niyo na ko dahil meron akong bagong crush and i think mejo normal din naman sha. mejo. ( : --JASON CASTRO!!

He's sooo frigging uber hot. I haven't seriously watched American Idol before, but last Tuesday, i happened upon a channel showing the program. and for lack of anything else to watch, i conceded. and gawrsh, Jason is the new love of my life!! (so what if i really like baldies and he has dreds?!) he's like a tamed rocker, my kind of a rocker!! and, and, have you seen him sing his version of The Beatles's "Michelle"?? (better seen, than heard) Jason just made me fall in love!! He had me already at "my belle" awwwwww.. :)

------

One: Religious tolerance. It's when you bear the pasyon (sung by your neighbors on the microphone which is apparently connected to speakers) even at the expense of a longed-for peaceful slumber. Why use the microphone again?? Curious.

Ok, went to Tagaytay last Maundy Thursday because it coincided with lolo's death anniversary.

Two: Diet. Every one of my relatives commented I've put on the pounds. Note to self: wear shabbier clothes next time so they don't notice the oh-so-flattering bulge(s).

Three: Liberal Ego. I've just realized that liberal arts majors are egoistic people. They think they could make it out in this world with just their lofty ideals and supposed loftier skills. They are even convinced that they could really change this unjust world. Worse, they don't even have a plan B. Like what do you do when you start getting tired of something you thought you'd always be passionate about?? like errr.. debating?? or maybe, scribbling what you thought are literary masterpieces, (let's call that writing) Nada. No plan B. stoofid. Or am i speaking for myself??

It's just way demoralizing when you hear your cousins talk about job opportunities here and anywhere else in the world because well, they could do so!! they are professionals--licensed nurses, architects, engineers, etc. one tita even said that we're really being ushered into this (gaddumn) technological age so we need these electrical engineers, I.T. experts, yada. bah. What was i thinking taking up Journalism?! What fattened ego I have!! Uproot me from this country and i already have this nasty vision that my career (come again??) would go kaput. how do you even become a journalist in a country whose background is just plain alien to you?? Bah. Corny.

------

Agriculture Secretary Arthur Yap must be going just a wee bit nuts. He said that in order to offset the rice shortage, fastfood stores should lessen the amount of rice in their meals.

And you know what's really silly??

Yap said fastfood rice should be lessened because a lot of diners don't finish their rice, anyway. as he has observed.

great. maybe he could suggest a price deduction too from rice meals, even if it's just P3-P5, corresponding to the lessened amount of rice. or maybe, he could also devise a system where households can only buy rice sufficient to the households' members, since a lot of rice too are wasted from the households.

i think it's plain faulty to ask fastfood stores to lessen their "rice" (again to offset the shortage) based on the observation that everywhere there is wastage. No, you ought to tell the consumers to actually finish their meals. If people can't finish their rice, for whatever reason, let them be. You don't constrict the consumer because of the shortage. Reprimand them because of their wastage. It'd be more logical if you asked fastfood stores to clamp down on the rice because their industry is necessarily hoarding the rice supply, hence, on a shortage, austerity measures should be applied. that's the way to go.

one broadcast reporter even ridiculously claimed that if only a household did not waste this blah amount of rice during their meals, then the problem of the impoverished masses would already have been resolved. duh?! If say, a household would buy only 1kg of rice from their previous 2kg, what is this household's assurance that the 1kg they did not buy would feed the starving people?? or even that the rice they did not consume would be sold for a lower price to benefit the needy??

Maybe Yap should focus on the real long and short of it--the production. while it can be argued that the clamp on fastfood rice is only sought for the immediate time, it is still more worthwhile to focus on the foolproof how. The country, boasting of its agricultural sector, is wondrously a big importer of rice from neighboring Thailand and Vietnam. These countries have fast-tracked in successful grain production and exportation and left in their wake the Philippines, a former Asia's rice granary. Wake up Mr. Secretary, if you want the real solution to the rice shortage, stop pounding on the consumption--be more aggressive with the production.

bah.

^__^

The Emperor and the Porifera

2008-02-21T06:51:00.000-08:00

since my two college beshtys and thesismates started their new year's post with poems,

i thought i'd do one for mine too:

WHAT THE EMPEROR SAID TO THE PORIFERA

...OIGA!!

wuhoo, it's porifera, it's porifera!! ( :

and contrary to what we believed thus far, the porifera is not only asexual, it reproduces sexually too!! GO OIGA GO!!

but here's the nye nye nye part: poriferas don't have intercourse to reproduce sexually...their bodies just absorb floating sperm given off by fellow sponges

*awww, halika nga dito oiga, wag ka nang mapalutang-lutang jan* ( :

------

so, i haven't really blogged for quite some time

i think i was a bit too errr, preoccupied with a lot of things going on in my academic life. well, gotta graduate too somehow. gotta feel the world outside the security of darling Usteh..

bah. where to start?!

------

trust me, ever since the whole Jun Lozada ish started, i've been itching to write down a lot of things. but poor me, never finding real time to just sit down and write it all down.

------

Yes, she may be a lucky bitch. and who, just who wouldn't want to be just as lucky enough?!

dang, she should not be allowed to be her lucky self until 2010.

------

it doesn't sit well with me.

Yesternight, the evening news showed my University's Central Student Council President proclaiming a statement of dissent on the current president of the land.

He was even saying "We want her to resign."

I even recall he mentioned something along the lines of "the whole student body wants her to resign."

Pray tell, when was the this entire student body asked for its stand?!

Was there a forum i missed on said matter??

i know i've been missing on a number of school activities, but i doubt there is one which tackled the Thomasian students' take on the issue.

poor me if i did.

just this: it doesn't sit well with me when one tries to represent the voice of the population, when no real consensus has been reached.

damn dirty politics.

it's the after-party wuhoo!! ( :

2007-12-20T18:33:00.000-08:00

During Paskuhan:

Me: Juju, Juju!! Look at my bra, it's green!!
Mareng Joizee: Ah, sakin RED!!

wala na naman, panalo na naman si mare!! haha ( :

After Paskuhan:

Me to Cabbie: Manong sa Morato po tayo, Guilly's
Cabbie: Sige, padagdag na lang ng bente.

ngek ngek ngek, kamusta naman si manong dinala ako sa CHILI'S!! rawr!! ( :

i missed my highschool buddies big time, as in!! while we were in cbtl, i met this really really pretty girl, April. turns out she's studying at ABS and is only a graduating highschool stude. wow, and she's that pretty awredi!! im in love!! my hs buddies kept on giggling the whole time i talked with her, and when she left, we were like all ogling her, silenced, because she is that pretty!! ( :

we went back to guilly's to while away time before we head back to ust for simbang gabi. and there was this EIGHTEEN-YEAR-OLD guy who just kept on following me and dancing with me and telling me,"wow, you're amazing, you have such wonderful eyes, you're so beautiful, do you have a boyfriend, can i have your number" as in over and over again!! BLECH. one, makukulong pa kaya ako sa edad niya!! two, isipin pa nila kikidnapin ko sha (a foreigner and all) and three, im just having myself a fun time, i don't want anyone contacting me after!! bah.

me and my beshty niggaria have always agreed that unless we get checked-out in a bar, then we're having a pretty lousy, slow night.

and while we were strutting like crazy, i saw this guy and thought he looked kinda familiar. it was only when ALL my friends gave me the LOOK that i realized it was indeed HIM. haha, even with a funky hat on, i couldn't mistake that baldie for anyone else!! ( : (clue: CUBS dati) haha

and then we were dancing, and doing small talk, and then he was leaning in..

"Sorry, can't do that in front of my friends.."
"*insert my name here*, they're not looking now.."

hah, who said i won't get a goodnight treat??

and who said i can't make it through, singled again?!

in your face, beeyotches!!

haha ( :

^__^

Season's Cheers

2007-12-18T16:51:00.000-08:00

what happens when you realize you're not really cut-out for some things you thought you're in control of??

God, why does it have to hurt so much??

------

buti na lang, someone came up with the idea of malls.

no matter how crowded they get because of the season, SHOPPING still gives you that HIGH. temporary as it is.

*sigh*

ooohhh, wait, a new thesismate?? ( :

2007-12-06T20:30:00.000-08:00

according to my ADORABLE thesismates, (emphasis emphasis on adorable)

they have a new thesismate na daw and i'll just see my name as the old lady they'd mention in our thesis acknowledgment!!

ok, so here's their new thesismate:

say it with me: MR. CLEAN. *big toothy grin*

akalain nyo, hindi nya kasama si rubber duckie?!

wala ka pala chens e, Miriam Quiambao pala ang gustong kausap sa phone haha

(whoever said i missed 100% Pinoy?!>

------

wheee, the last movie i watched on the big screen is with novia and banggekay pa: A LOVE STORY.

Now, even with dysmenorrhea, small tantrums and all else, i watched THE GOLDEN COMPASS yesternight wheeeeee!!

the movie's way cool, okay i won't review it but take this: Nicole Kidman is just sooo lovely in the movie (as she always is)

plus plus, take in this idea:

running along the lines of body and spirit co-exist to form the beingness of a being,

in that "golden compass dimension" the characters have with them their "daemons" as their spirits, and it's always by their side in animal form

they're integral to each other in a way that when one dies, the other does too *sadface*

i LOVE LOVE LOVE Lyra's pal, since she's still a kid, it changes into a lot of animal forms, but mostly it takes the meercat

haha, it's just like me and my baby POI!!

the movie's a must-see, promise!! ( :

(although yes, i did hate Kidman's daemon: a BABOON in form, ulk. really not a big fan of monkeys)

------

FINALLY, after quite some time..

i had myself one great movie date. *blushes*

^__^

a wee bit late. hah. ( :

2007-12-05T16:21:00.001-08:00

this is a bit late, but hey, better late than never, right?? :)

------

TWICE TO BEAT

novia: pag matanda na, si novia na bahala sa kanya!!
me: e pano kung gay??

tentenenenen!! GAY NGA. haha :D

me to novia and chens: hay, gusto kong sabihin na 'to para ma-jinx yung thought nya, pero alam nyo yun, mejo place kasi ni ***** yung magnet katips eh..
novia: hindi yun!!
chens: bakit, nakabalik na ba sha dito??
me: ewan, pero oo nga, wala pa yun siguro dito.

tentenenenen!! andun SIYA. bah.

novia: ok lang yan novia, kasama mo naman kami ngayon e
chens: kadiri talaga!!

was it just me or was he really stuttering?? like me.. hah.

ow well, let bygones be bygones.

i so love THESIS talaga, and my THESISMATES!! :) kelan uli tayo ga-graduate?! ow, and i so love our THESIS ADVISER too and his rubber duckie during consultation. bah, promise sobrang eligible sha sa post!! haha

------

CHENS, ANYUNG!! (sabi ng *toooot* niya, ANYUNG)

HELLO!!

heartchie fiesta!! :))

------

while talking to a guy friend, i asked him if he'll be surprised if and when i do get married.

K: i wouldn't be surprised if you got married.. i'd actually be surprised if you got married and it LASTED. and it's not even because you cheated or anything..

sabi na ngang hindi talaga ko Lovah material eh!! hah.

^__^

up for a long entry??

2007-11-29T07:05:00.000-08:00

since it was mareng joizee's birthday, ( :

Sen. Trillanes attempted another showdown in Makati, this time in Manila Pen.

Geez, after four years, i thought you'd know better than your sister act in Oakwood. bah. Know what, well of course i know it doesn't concern you that i'm giving YOU an advice now (hell, i know no shit of taking over the govt and actually running it, if i did, i would've been yer Royal Highness awredi) but if i were to stage stage a mindblowing coup, i'd atleast make sure i have supporters of the cause. in multitudes, dude!! you do realize that a handful is too measly considering that what, you're up against the full force of the military?! gawd, you would make millions putting up a farce, ya know?! ah-huh.

and for the love of kitties, make up your mind what it is that's really bothering you that you now have prompted a frigging curfew!! are you more concerned that you are kept incarcerated despite your election into the senatorial post, or are you plainly grossed-out by the govt led by HER. augh, i've never known that military men could be so impulsive-- i thought you were all taught to think quickly then act accordingly, just as quickly. NOT act speedily, then judge your decisions later when you're already being dragged to a vehicle meant for hard-core criminals. again, you do realize that a lot of people are tuned it to their TVs, right?! atleast give justice to the percentage of the Filipino masses who voted you into office, wittingly or unwittingly.

speaking of impulsive, i couldn't begin telling you just how impossible the police were in cuffing mediamen (plastic cuffs used to tie electrical wires) and bringing them all the way to bicutan (camp bagong diwa) and even confiscating their laptops, videocams and other whathaveyous. the outright HUMILIATION, not to mention the suppression of press freedom!!

ok, Defense Secretary Gilberto Teodoro said in a statement that the PNP relayed to him that they are only bringing in mediamen for verification of identities, so the police don't stoofidly let go of "supporters" to the cause. Teodoro even mentioned that there have been incidents when bank robbers posed as hostages to escape the police's clutches. say, i think you have been watching too much of Spike Lee's INSIDE MAN. sheesh.

if you want to verify the mediamen's identities, i guarantee you COULD do it on the spot. no need to cuff them and whooop their already tired asses to bagong diwa. if you must know, it is quite protocol that media men always always have with them their handy-dandy IDs.

know what, if you're insisting that these mediamen have already been asked to vacate the premises earlier and that (as usual) they've stubbornly stood their ground thereby they're a clear obstruction of yer operations.. why did you just not forcibly take them out of the premises?! if there was clear and imminent danger to their safety, i think you'd have every right to cordon them off the hotel's immediate premises. and if they do obstruct your CAREFULLY-PLANNED tactics, then simply tell them that if they do not leave, they WAIVE their rights to be protected by the police. if they get harmed in the line of duty, then too bad, all in a day's work, but they were warned, that's it.

hay, how i'd love to be the journalist on the field now. broadcast if i must. what natural high!! ( :

******

last tuesday, after the more-than-subtle-earthquake shook me into a post-traumatic stress which made me ditch class (ahe, i swear tis true!! i swear it won't happen again. the ditching. the trauma and the quake!!)

I and my beshty nikaria met up with our much-missed Je-an-totz to have lunch celebrating her 21st birthday the day before. whew!! gawd, i missed them!! nikaria and i made her this cutesy decorate-you-cake too!! ( :

the cake says "JEAN *heart* 21" (naht my fault it came out that nasty, si niggah kasi!!) :p

my beshtys!! aw su-weet!!

after lunch, we made up our mind on buying an overdue gift for our inaanak. Ang hirap maghanap ng gift para sa inaanak na mas mayaman pa sayo!! The three of us finally settled on a batman kiddie backpack since he's into batman so much. Later, when he finally opened the gift, turns out he already has an exact of that.. plus all the other stuff we thought of buying him. hah. now the ninangs really have to shell out more moolah for their baby!!

my baby is a show-off. Lookie that gold medal. HE IS BEST IN COLORING, mind you!! *big toothy grin*

did i tell you that it was only last tuesday "nagbati" kami ni kervin (inaanak)?? haha, i always playfight with him kasi. to the point that im the only ninang he REALLY remembers because he'd always wrestle with me and all that toughie toddler fight!! just so that we'll be "bati" na, i had to indulge him in a ZAIDO match, he has to defeat me over and over again, i also stood by the corner for a good 30 minutes as he serves me corndogs, and i have to rap with him while i wear his lil cutesy cap and he wears my beret. Hay, mahal ko lang talaga sha AS IN!! although yeah, i've always had a soft spot for babies/kids/toddlers. they're like the bigger version of my kitties. ( :

ninangs with the inaanak

the complete set. gawrsh, how i missed empotz too!! wheee!! ( :

hmmmmm, we're gonna try global fun next saturday. hope no one backs-out. me included. hah.

******

now, for something sickeningly mushy-trying-to-pop-out-of-a-movie-scene:

ever watched CLICK?? starred by Adam Sandler and Kate Beckinsale.

well if you did, know that scene where the two were out on a date and Adam wrote in a paper napkin "Time for first kiss" then passed the napkin to Kate??

and Kate replied on another paper napkin, "Will you still love me in the morning?"

and Adam answered with.. i won't be the spoiler here, so RECALL!! :p

anyhow, here's a version of that scene:

i write in a paper napkin, "Will you still love me tomorrow??"

"I will in more ways than now"

now that gave Adam Sandler's character in Click a run for his money!!

*blushes*

how i love my pseudo-relationship. CRAZY CRAZY QUASI-LOVAHS. i like the giddyness it leaves. *sigh*

WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING?!

^__^

weaving deceit, hmmm..

2007-11-21T11:32:00.000-08:00

disclaimer: this is gonna be one mushy entry.

when it rains, it pours quite literally.

and i never really thought of those words until it was raining hard earlier and i was coming down again with the colds

plus plus there was also the backlash of these frigging emo torrents..

sometimes it doesn't help when you're sucking it all in and all the world (or atleast that part which involves you) only know so little of what you're going through..

we were dismissed early from cath journ class which was cool enough since i was really hoping i could catch her in her place and finally settle things.

halfway out of the university, she called and started this tirade again on how much she hates her gf for keeping her in a short leash.. yadayadayada, i hung up. she tried calling again but i just rejected her calls.. somehow i knew she has a fair idea why i was acting different these past few days.. i found my way to the chapel, sat down, mustered all the strength to come up with the words i've been meaning to tell her.. then gave her a ring..

"Shi, please just hear me out this one time, i don't want you to say a single word.. not until im through.. i like you so much i wanna be the one who takes care of you.. you say you like me, ssshhhh wait, you said you like me but just how much?? not enough for you to take your chances with me?? shi.. you're being very unfair to me with what you're doing, and yes, you hurt me. A LOT.. and.."

*a pause as i try to stifle a sob, hears a soft cry on the other line*

"Shi?"
"Maybe we should stop going out.."

As soon as i heard those words from her i hung up and switched my fone off.. I DON'T EVEN WANNA KNOW. i knew i was never in the position to demand anything from her but it just sucks to stop now. if i have to be miserable because of her, i would be.. if that's the only way i stay glued to the intensity of how much i feel for her, i'd want no one to pull me out of such goooood misery..

i could only imagine how startled people near me were when they heard my semi-wails in between their orations.. but this was the only place for me where i could shed the tears without having to explain to anyone the whys. i have good friends.. i just can't burden them right now with these pesky affections..

in the middle of my sobs, someone sat beside me and tapped me gently on the shoulder.. i looked up from the hanky covering my face to see a familiar figure staring questioningly at me.. lo and behold, the ONLY PROF i met in my ONLY CLASS for the day. ah shit, Sir Vic.

Sir Vic: "sabi ko na nga ba ikaw yan e" (hala naman)
Me: *sniffle-sniffle* "ui Sir, pwede pala kayo dito?!"
SV: "bat ka umiiyak, binubugbog ka ng boyfriend mo no??"
Me: "Sir naman eh.. babae lang ang nagpapaiyak sakin.."
SV: "ganun.. ay, oo nga pala.."

i appreciate his presence there forealz, someone who knows/knew me but not whom i'd readily call a good friend.. someone neutral atleast.. i think i appreciated him too much when i cried like a baby by his side.

SV: "uy, pag may nakakita satin, baka isipin pinaiiyak kita.."
Me: iyak
SV: *starts saying chicken-soup-for-the-soul stuff*
Me: sniffle-sniffle "kelangan talaga hanggang dito ina-advise-an nyo ko, diba?!"
SV: "kasama to sa thesis consultation nyo ha, may bayad to"

much much later, i hurriedly went out of the church, tear-stained face and all, i was determined to see her tonight.. if only to change her mind..

and i saw tanikala, jonette and mi huggiesz on the way out

huggiesz: "ui, OK ka lang??"
Me: *would normally stop to hug her but just nodded and walked even more briskly*

it was much later when i was in a cab already to her place that i realized what the scene could have suggested, me in tears, and Sir Vic right on my heels..

ow well, another professah, eh?? bah.

wait, must text Sir to thank him, and apologize for walking out on him.. kasi naman eh, mangangaral na lang yuyurakan pa pagkatao ko.. hay!! >__<

it rained the whole time i was with her.. and well.. maybe the rains will stop on the morrow.. maybe OUR world tomorrow.. would be a wee bit fairweathered. hah.

^__^

if you don't heart me na..

2007-11-20T06:03:00.000-08:00

while debating in investigative journ class the credibility of the assigned artik to us to stand as an in-depth report,

i found these scribbled on novia's filler notebook..

If You Forget Me

I want you to know
one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.

Pablo Neruda

im sooo proud of mi novia because she memorize this Neruda!! whooo!! i only got as far as trees by joyce kilmer hmmmm..

emphasis on the last lines, eh??

it was showering as i walked home.. *sigh*

and i just felt so.. single.

even if mi novia and i just kissed again after one long month!! wheee!! gimme gimme more mi novia!!

heartchie!! ( :

ow well.

^__^

sigh what some people can do

2007-11-18T22:10:00.000-08:00

some people could be just way too forgetful

like this BEAUTIFUL BEING who just keeps on forgetting our MONTHSARY..

ofkorz, it's not you novia!! ~__~

some could just be grossly stinky

like my bhabesz who stank a jeep with his ass"s worth!!

haha, i heartchie so much bhabesz, missed yah sooo!! ( :

and still there are those who just opt to break your heart..

no matter how much you plead with them not to..

ow well, im singled again!! churrah!!

wait, i wasn't exactly coupled, was i??

bah.

^__^

wheee, im blogging.. ( :

2007-11-11T07:06:00.000-08:00

okay,

after yet another hiatus on my beloved page, im blogging again,

must've whacked my brain when marckie got me into a gay bar after dandandan's debut

haha, had hella good time there, thanks babes!! ~mwah~

well, there were a lot of gay people (duh, gay bar) who were more of marckie's kind, not so much of MY kind's gay crowd though, but hey i had a deliciously fun time just getting on the beat with everyone else wheee!! heartchie marckie babes!! ( :

there was also this cute guy (marckie said he's straight) that we've been eyeing (straight people, even couples can go the place too ok) and errr sorta following around

Marc:"o anong sabi nya sayo??"
Me: "uhmmm wala, he just introduced himself, jay i think"
Marc: "ano, hindi kinuha number mo, eh kaya ka nga nya pinuntahan kc sabi ko 'my friend likes you' wala kang ginawa?!"
Me: "haha, bka na-disappoint kc akala nya tunay akong babae!!"

some pics:

with la debutante

jc-jowin-moi-marckie

ooohhh hangin, haha, with kuya jor

wheee, marckie babes!!

^__^

ho-humn.. ( :

2007-10-03T11:41:00.000-07:00

Fr. Rolando dela Rosa, acting rector, kinda gave this farewell/gratitude party for the three recently resigned top priests in the University..

My point being..

I just wish we (me and 'eyed' guy) could hold hands LONGER..

and

FOREALZ..

while talking about condoms in between.

haha *winx*

^__^

Pls. repost, pls. forward. This one's for our University-based Hospital. The DISSOLUTION of the UST Hospital Inc.

2007-09-20T22:40:00.000-07:00

From: Cenon Alfonso
To: williamolalia@usthospital.com.ph
Cc: hersheyhomol@yahoo.com; abaynsc@aol.com; marissasevilleno@usthospital.com.ph; mateobagsic@usthospital.com.ph; edgardoorlina@usthospital.com.ph; rolandocabatu@usthospital.com.ph; noemimenchavez@usthospital.com.ph
Sent: Wed, 19 Sep 2007 11:21 am
Subject: The Truth about the USTHI Saga

Dear Reader,

We are sending this email to you so that you can help us spread the truth to all Thomasians, particularly to all those who have a heart in the future of the UST Hospital. Please send this to all whom you know have been part and partners of the USTHI. Please forward this the USTMAAA, Cardinal Rosales and even to the Holy See.

We shall extensively quote the very document that contains the declaration and orders of the Master of the Order which he verbally delivered before us during the joint Board meeting last 17 September 2007 in the Rector's Hall.

We will confine ourselves to the three contentious issues, namely, the separation and incorporation of the Hospital (USTHI), the 3 Billion Hospital Redevelopment Project and Loan, and the Professional Fees. Because, we were made privy to other
surrounding circumstances that may have some significant bearing to the decisons and events of the recent past, we have the duty likewise to make these known to the public.

The Separation and incorporation of the Hospital
(USTHI).

The UST BOT "failed to secure the permission of the Master of the Order and that of the Holy See" and therefore (the Master) ".... I consider all these transactions to have been unlawful as they lacked my approval and that of the Holy See. (Cann 1291; 1292 Sec. 1; 638 Sec. 3; LCO 609 Sec. I & II). Both the legal counsels of the University, Atty. Divina, and that of the Hospital, Atty. Rody P. Padlan, who assisted in the process of incorporation of USTHI, will attest to the legality of the incorporation of
USTHI according to the Philippines laws. Be that as it may, it appears that the UST BOT was not aware of the Canon Laws concerned before and during the process of incorporation. Following the same Canon, all other corporations that have assumed a separate juridical entity from UST like the Benavides Foundation, Inc., the St. Thomas Charity Foundation, Inc., the UST Review Center, and the corporation that runs the Isabel Building are likewise "unlawful". Is this ignorance of the Canon Law? Obviously, this is not ignorance of Philippine civil laws. Who then is liable? Certainly, it is not USTHI. Or, is it a
case wherein such antiquated provisions of Canon Law that have been relegated to obscurity because they were never practiced by anyone here in the Philippines (not in the recent decades) nor anywhere else in the world but was conveniently used by the some dominican priests who have an axe to grind against the UST BOT? Be that as it may, the accountabilty and responsibilty falls upon the UST BOT, certainly not upon USTHI.

The public must know that despite this deficiency, upon learning about it, both the UST BOT and the USTHI worked together in order to amend the necessary documents of incorporation in accord with the recommendations of the Commission sent by the Master under the Chairmanship of Fr. Mark Edney, O.P. Such amendaments in fact was used by the Master, his Vicar and legal counsel through UST BOT last September 17, 2007 to dissolve USTHI.

Despite the lack of canonical approval of the Master and of the Holy See, it is an undeniable fact that the juridical separation of the Hospital from the University,was the important key of the turnaround of the Hospital from its certain collapse and closure. If it were not done, the Hospital would have been either closed down or have been managed by another group that would have closed down its charity division. IF IT WAS NOT PREVENTED, WAS IT NOT A CLEAR CASE OF LOSS OF CHURCH PATRIMONY? That was the situation at that time - 2003-2004. We seem to have a very short term memory!

It must also be recalled that the implementor of the current dissolution of USTHI - the Acting Rector - in order to return the Hospital to its former state of the was one of the BOT members who voted for the juridical separation of USTHI. Unwittingly or otherwise, he was not too long ago in the same desparate situation in frantic search for an urgent solution that can save the Hospital from its unabated down spiralling collapse. Unanimously, they were all convinced, after carefully studying all available options from September 2003 to May 2004 (that's 9 full months and at least half a dozen Board meetings of the
UST BOT and the UST Corporation) that they unanimously made the right decision. And said right decision bore good fruit in such a short time - 2004 - 2007. Don't we judge the tree by its fruit? Are we now turning a blind eye to these results and cling to some obscure Canon Law? Are we not like the "sadducees and pharisees" of the law which Jesus referred to as
"brood of vipers?' How about the tens of thousands of poor patients that have been served during the last 4 years who would not have eceived appropriate care without the turnaround of USTH? Is this not the Hospital's mission? How about the great improvement in the medical and allied health sciences training in the Hospital compared to its state during prior years?

Is this not the mission of the University? The juridical separation, the granting of its own personality and governance has preserved and improved and in fact greatly enhanced the University of Santo Tomas and its Hospital. It is a fact. Only the blind and those who choose to be such deny that. Given good faith among the members of the then UST BOT, and the legal means (civil) by which the process of separation was done, and most of all, given the excellent results that flowed from it,
IS THERE NO POSSIBLE REMEDY THAT CAN CURE THE UNINTENDED TRANSGRESSION OF THE CANON LAW? If there is, was it ever excercised? Can it not be done?

Reverting back to its former state is definitely not the solution. It is like as one friar said "going back to the middle ages".

The 3 Billion Redevelopment Project and Loan.

The context of the development project is not a stand-alone feat and definitely not spur-of-the-moment. This is Phase 2 of the UST BOT-approved 5-year strategic plan. After a very successful Recovery Phase (Phase 1) in 2004-2005, came Phase 2 - the Development Phase. Since USTH is in the catching-up process, Phase 2 is defined as infra, equipment, manpower and systems development towards unification of servics and standardization of care. But this process did not start here. The manpower development came very early. The number of medical staff ballooned to more than 100%. Systems development and accreditation were obtained as scheduled. Equipment updating came in very rapidly to 90% even before fiscal year 2007. Public reputation, both in the charity and business aspects significantly improved parallel to the improvement of the morale of the internal public. Success in small projects and investments propelled advancement to bigger risks and bigger investments. From the mere refurbishing of corners and services, to acquisition of major equipment costing nearly Php100M. After confidence building, the first of the 4 phases of the Development Phase was started and completed almost 2 months ahead of schedule. This is the Benavides Cancer Institute - a first of its kind in this country. The return as well as the patronage are overwhelmingly. They even better the best case scenario of the projections studies. This risk involved in BCI is over Php 600M total while the actual cash amount is Php 147M. By its current performance, it can reach its target a
year ahead of projections. Do we need another proof?

Now, what is the risk of the Php 3B investment? Is this unreasonable? For someone who is not familiar with Hospital management and affairs, yes. For someone who has not even made a single large investment elsewhere, yes. For someone who was not in anyway part of the confidence-building process that we have undergone for over 3 years, yes, For someone who does not fully comprehend and understand all the meticulous studies, feasibilities, projections and sentivity assessments that have been done, yes. For someone who does not like to listen but assumes on understanding everything about the project by simply reading the documents without the dynamics of it, yes.

For someone who will not be able to look beyond those numbers and projections and assumptions, yes. For someone who does not possess the vision, yes. For someone who is NOT willing to take the risk, yes. For someone who is not convince of success, yes. For someone who does not trust the people in-charge, yes.

The USTHI Board and the Hospital Administration painstakingly endeavored for 1 year and 9 months in taking care of all the details of the development project. Yes, again, like the deficiency in the separation and incorporation of USTHI, this project
and loan lacked the approval of the Master and of the Holy See. While all transactions are legally valid (according to civil law), it failed to satisfy the requirements of Canon Law. Are we to stop at the middle of the transactions? The order to "hold in
abeyance" from the Master came last September 2006 when all of the preparations and transactions were well on their way. Despite such tight situation, the UST BOT and the USTHI held back all processes by slowing the pace and simply allowed it to passively proceed for over 6 months. But the transaction time table came ahead of the Rome Commission's time table. The divergence became inevitable. By March of 2007, all involved parties are exerting pressures to USTHI to comply and proceed as previously agreed upon or else face legal and financial sanctions. Under "interpretative permission" USTHI signed the OLSA with the lending banks. THE ASSESSMENT OF ALL PARTIES INVOLVED IS THAT THE RISK OF FAILURE TO REPAY THE LOAN IS LOW. This is the result of the due diligence of the banks, the financial adviser and arranger and Punongbayan and Araullo (Grant Thorton Consulting). The projections numbers clearly speak for themselves. ALL TRANSACTIONS WERE DONE ABOVE BOARD. There are no hidden costs. No one or no group will be personally inured beyond what is agreed upon as part of the services rendered. The Hospital created all internal check and balance systems and responsible offices for proper accounting and disbursements. Risk management workshop conducted to leave no stone unturned. What else did we overlooked? What is the basis of the allegation that "there is unlikelihood that USTHI would be able to meet the repayment terms set out in the OLSA? All proofs are on the contrary? Where is the proof of that allegation? We waited for over 2 months. No one came out with anything at all. Even a scratch paper computation could have been a point of discussion!

Professional fees.

Yes, the USTHI BOT debated lengthily (and it shows that this was treated quite farily well) on the fees of all professional transactions. All contracts are above-board. Again, the issue is the same. There was no permission from the Master to enter into contracts with such professional groups with such fees. "I remind you that in some cases such contracts and agreements exceeded the monetary level that could be legitmately authorized by yourselves and consequently required my permission as Master of the Order and as Grand Chancellor of the University." That limit is clearly stated in the Canon law as $100,000.00 or Php 5M. Does it mean that henceforth all transactions exceeding Php 5M shall require Rome's approval? If this is so, all major equipments of the Hospital seem to have been acquired "unlawfully". Who will say that such fees are high and low? What is the industry rate? Is there an indusry rate? If there is none and the project depends on the financing scheme, are we to stop there or negotiate? That is exactly what the USTHI BOT did. It followed all industry rates. If there is no such rate, then negotiations. These were all meticulously done with the best interest of the hospital and they were all done transparently, professionally and consistenly. At the end of the day, despite such fees, what is important is that the project remains viable and risks remain low. Are we expecting to be served well always at pro bono rate or semi-pro bono rate? Such rate is only true among the Hospital Administration!

THE DOMINICAN LEADERSHIP, BEING THE FINAL DECISION MAKERS, CAN DO AND UNDO ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING WITH
THE UNIVERSITY AND THE HOSPITAL, AT WILL. There is no denying. We, as laymen, make a choice to assist them or not in their times of need. We believe that we have responded to their desperate calling in 2003. And we believe that the response we delivered, whether appreciated or not, was with great obvious success that bore some fruit that we can be proud of, not only before man but before God. We also believe that continuing along this line of development is the best chance for the University and the Hospital to preserve the partimony of the Church. We believe that if it will be reversed, the risk of losing the patrimony of the Church becomes intolerably high. There is nothing in our consciences that holds back our convictions.
All transactions have been completed above-board, professionally and devoid of all personal gain and interests. They may not be totally devoid of some errors, but rest assured that we have delivered our best in order to minimize or eliminate them. As we humbly leave our responsibilities to the next administrators after having been requested to by the Master of the Order, we make this appeal to the Master not to revert back the organization to where it came from but rather continue the projects as planned that are most vital for the Hospital's survival in the next 10 years. We likewise appeal that a canonical remedy
called "sanatio" be made rather than a complete reversal which may wipe out the remaining advantage that have been painstakingly won over during the last 3 years. WE FIRMLY BELIEVE THAT DESPITE THEIR "OBJECTIVE DISOBEDIENCE" FRS. NANTES, ARCEO AND PONCE, DID WHAT THEY DID BECAUSE OF WHICH THEY HAVE BEEN REMOVED FROM THEIR OFFICES, FOR THE SAKE OF THOSE LEAST OF GOD'S BRETHREN AND NOT TO OFFEND THEIR MASTER. Lastly, we make this appeal, as we pick up our personal carreers back to life (after having left them for 4 years) in order to help your institution, please keep our personal dignity intact by shielding us from unscrupulous allegations and accusations of your own brethren and their cohorts.

Despite this manner of parting, we still thank you for having given us the chance to respond to God's calling.

Cenon R. Alfonso, MD and William L. Olalia, MD

Goya Milk Choclit

2007-09-20T21:51:00.000-07:00

Last night, i went out to dinner with this guy i've been eyeing for some time, i think

well, it wasn't a date, aside from the fact na kinasangkapan q lang c porkboss *laughter* e talagang as in friendly dinner lang talaga kami..

and i'm not eyeing him, like as in super-stalker-like, but you kinda get the idea don't you??

basta, basta, younger kc sha sakin kaya cguro naaaliw ako sa kanya dahil naiba sha sa usual kind-ov-guy q haha

and he's recently singled.. oo na, recently nga but applaud me, at the very least, nalihis na naman sha sa usual kind-ov-guy q na laging hmmm.. with baggage?! :p

haaayyy, october is only almost a week away, and shideh's coming back.. but hell, she doesn't look like she's breaking up with her girlfriend anytime soon.. fock talaga..

so might as well keep on EYEING this guy, rytie?? *blushes*

kc ganto yan, he held my hands nung ginilitan ang mga kawawang manok sa isang ritwal.. wala lang, ang cute lang ng mini-moment naming yun haha ( :

tama na nga, nagpapaka-ilusyonada na naman ako.. na-miss ko rin to ha.. ang kiligin kahit papano *insert big toothy grin here*

^__^

c'mon, work with me.

2007-09-17T11:26:00.000-07:00

First, Frs. Nantes, Arceo, amd Ponce were asked to resign

and out of their vow of obedience, they did just that.

*Raise yer glasses for good ole obedience*

And now, the UST Hospital Inc. CEO and President Dr. Cenon Alfonso has just been asked to resign by the "new" rector.

How 'bout that??

Say, care to tell me, really WHY??

I just want someone to objectively clear a lot of the issues I've been trying to raise in this futile effort to make sense of all these sudden moves!!

and it's not even because my editors are already an inch short of slashing my neck just to make me bleed a carefully-detailed article..

sheeesz, i'm just as concerned here with my univ as how a lot of other studes are just so into wishing their oooh-sooo beloved tigers well into their remaining games (they FINALLY made it to the Pompous Four).

Hurrah, another blabbering blob.

schmuck.

^__^

sobriety goes by the name BLOODMOON

2007-08-28T10:16:00.000-07:00

so the clouds were a lil bit unrelenting and chose not to grace bloodmoon's spectators in manila,

SO WHAT?!

haha, just three things which could possibly be better than a bloodmoon:

ONE. The REXONA MEN COMMERCIAL. You know, that one where men are shown as cheerleaders in full throttle to get across to the viewers the idea that men sweat more than women do yada yada yada. THEY'RE JUST SOOO ADORABLE, I SWEAR!! they make me giggle every time i see the commercial haha : ) Rexona Men cute, YJ not really.

TWO. 20TH PHILIPPINE AD CONGRESS. there's this other commercial where tibal men are doing like this choreographed act, basta basta super ALIW yang commercial na yan!! Lurve it to the MAXXX!! :p

THREE. GEORGE HOTZ. the 17-yr-old guy who managed (along with some online collaborators) to unlock th iPhone. in your face AT&T!! :p now, i wanna get myself one of those unlocked iPhones.. ow by the way, SAKSI featured this one Filipina who has an unlocked iPhone and she's using it already HERE in the country, COOLNESS, i'd really love to have one just like hers and i couldn't wait for January at all!! ( :

------

There's such an in-between place which borders on heartache and happiness,

and that's where i'm staying at the moment.

as what Chris Gardner (Will Smith) said in PURSUIT OF HAPPYNESS, maybe Thomas Jefferson knew what he was saying in the declaration of independence when he said that every man shall have the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. How did he know that happiness could only be pursued and not really attained??

*but you see, somewhat at the end of the movie, Chris zoomed in on a particular "little" part of his life which he called "happiness"*

really, really.. my avowed sobriety for the month just gave me the most wonderful conviction of all:

that i don't really owe anyone my MOVING ON.

that i could embrace this heartbroken me,

and actually feel not so much of a lozah anymore, just a bit of the level-headed person i know i used to be. ( :

it's a bit too late to say this, but.. THE YEAR HAS ONLY JUST BEGUN (for me)

THINK: pleasurable vs. useful vs. HONORABLE good.

Now i know, i just wanna be surrounded by people who can make me feel like i'm the highest good, no less.

I thank my God for those people. ( :

Hearts to my Shideh who's been giving me my smiles lately plus a quicker pulse hah!!

------

BOSS JENNY LYNNE AGUILAR,

kung nababasa mo man to,

alamo namang lamang na lamang ka sa kahit na sinong bulaklak pa!!

haha ( :

umayos ka nga, ako lang ang pwedeng mag-moment sa mga midyear noh!!

at ako rin lang ang pwedeng maging hopelessly and terribly insecure of herself..

BOO!!

^__^

stoofid langaw in my chocolate drink

2007-08-03T09:31:00.000-07:00

i hate the fact that instead of doing my 3000-5000-word specialized writing article for Sir Vic's class, i'm blogging..

i also hate that there's this stoofid langaw which absentmindedly swam in my chocolate drink this morning, *sigh* ofkorz, i couldn't get another glass of chocolate, daddy makes me my chocolate drink and i like his concoction better and yes he and mommy left early again for Tagaytay.. good thing kuya gave me his choclit drink or i would've bickered all morning at the stoofid langaw.. DIE LANGAW, DIE!!

and i most hate this: that i have yet to deliver three over-overdue articles to my editors.. and all i could do is bash Kelly Clarkson for coming up with the song SOBER..

KELLY CLARKSON
Sober

And I don't know
This could break my heart or save me
Nothing's real
Until you let go completely
So here I go with all my thoughts I've been saving
So here I go with all my fears weighing on me

Three months and I'm still sober
Picked all my weeds but kept the flowers
But I know it's never really over

And I don't know
I could crash and burn but maybe
At the end of this road I might catch a glimpse of me
So I won't worry about my timing, I want to get it right
No comparing, second guessing, no not this time

Three months and I'm still breathing
Been a long road since those hands I left my tears in but I know
It's never really over, no

Wake up

Three months and I'm still standing here
Three months and I'm getting better yeah
Three months and I still am

Three months and it's still harder now
Three months I've been living here without you now
Three months yeah, three months

Three months and I'm still breathing
Three months and I still remember it
Three months and I wake up

Three months and I'm still sober
Picked all my weeds but kept the flowers

~~~

NOTHING'S REAL UNTIL YOU LET GO COMPLETELY.

Maybe, that's it, maybe that's why i can't even begin to grasp the weight of everything that's been happening to me

It's because i'm still pathetically clinging to you..

Gawd, it's been three months, and i still don't have the balls to even look you in the eye when you came to "visit"

And you know just how pathetic i am when i say i'm PATHETIC?!

I still can't bring myself to wash the hanky you used when you wept.. for her.. because i came to mess it all up for the two of you..

ok, i know it's pretty gross to still keep that mucus-tainted hanky,

but really, i couldn't care less.. when it's all i have of you left..

What would I not give to have you and our world again??

But don't mind me, you know I've always seen my own way out.. and I'm happy because you did the right thing and you're a better man with that..

I just wish it were also that easy to say that I can be with someone and not look for you in him..

:' (

must watch PISAY ( :

2007-07-27T11:19:00.000-07:00

The other night, Marckie and I whooped our ass to CCP to finally finally get some CINEMALAYA

twas a first for me, *tight tight sched* and Marckie was on for PISAY,

so we did end up watchin just that.

AND I REALLY LURVE THE FILM haha

that's a first for me too, to love an indie film!!

yow see, wasn't a big fan of indie films since i was baptized with "Pagdadalaga.."

but amazingly, Auraeus Solito got me with Pisay!! *filinyera, as if Solito would care hah*

yesh, Solito did both Pagdadalaga and Pisay and main characters in both films are, as Marckie supposed, twins.

You've gotta give it to Pisay for not overhauling the the cut-and-dried plot to put in the limelight the grave abuses and excesses of the Marcos regime.

Pisay chronicled the lives of Philippine Science students during those turbulent last four years of the Marcos era,

but it did not go for any Dekada '70-ish story flow.

instead, Pisay revolved on REAL STUDENTS' AFFAIRS during those times.

the film was even partitioned from '82-'86 being freshman, sophomore, junior, and senior respectively.

Ow, just go watch it while you still can, and you'll definitely know what i mean when i say SWABE!! haha ( :

Even Marckie, whom i think has already seen two other full-lengths, said Pisay was by far the best *and yesh, he hated Still Life*

and from the BIOLOGY PROF, whom Marckie had a crush on aside from Rom: (forgot his name though)

scene: discussion on Evolution, why the fish made contact with the land, answer being the waters are starting to dry up

"Organisms do not survive to change, THEY CHANGE TO SURVIVE."

*ehem, passie??*

"Time is essential in evolution... Now is the time to crawl out of the water" *naht verbtim like the previous one*

And did i mention that Weng was just so pweety??

------

I hate that IM A BIG LOZAH.

Complacent can't even begin to describe what happened next.

A bozo certainly would know better than pretend she is any wineglass-clink for him.

After all, he came from Zeus's spit *bleh* everyone else pales in comparison

He has already carved his own niche in his flurried flurried land

Now detest me for a dreadful and forgotten introduction, as seemingly i don't fit anywhere near that niche.

SCREW US BOTH.

Who's got baggage, who's got baggage??

Definitely this lady with trash dumped on her every pirouette.

*schmuck*

------

PAMPALUBAG LOOB:

since my anonymity settings are off in fster,

i just found out that my ex *the one whom i've always regretted not sorting out things with*

viewed my profile!! haha ambabaw ko, pagbigyan na, gusto lang pakiligin ang sarili!! ( :

well, doesn't that mean he still errr.. cares?? *crosses fingers*

ow, ow, buy FHM's July ish

my lovely Shideh messaged me that she posed there as "SASHA"

and yesh, she comes back on October!!

Gawd, i miss her!!

^__^

ANG SARILI; THINESELF

2007-07-15T10:48:00.000-07:00

wait wait wait, CHENNY!! i heartchie sooo much!! ( :

------

i just love the fifth movie adaptation of Harry Potter!!

really really, David Yates did a good job with this one-- the casting and all else

can't help loving loony luna and even umbridge's character, they were just sooo perfectly executed!!

and trust me, you're missing a lot if you don't watch it IMAX style whooo, suave ; )

because who wouldn't want a virtual feel of the department of mysteries??

plus, plus the scene where dumbledore and voldemort were giving each other a taste of their errr wizardry, bam, it just swallows you whole!!

i really miss watching HP with ATE too.. *sad face* and HP IMAX is not on till September in her place so i told her to go catch the movie in the local cinema

i know she's gonna love umbridge's room too, with all its picture plates of KITTIESZ!! :p

and from lovely dreamy loony luna:

"THINGS HAVE A WAY OF COMING BACK TO US IN THE END... SOMETIMES IN THE WAY WE LEAST EXPECTED"

it may not be verbatim, but it ran along those lines *smiles*

------

Friday night after class, i finally got the chance to go out with..

okay, for now i'll call him hmmm.. SMART SISIG!! ( :

there, i went out with smart sisig and..

i'd like to think that for starters, we did more than fine *winx*

i especially liked what he told me when i asked him how he handles shooting in real-time when you know you are kinda obligated to give "honorarium" to your "actors"

"Ganun, nagbibigay ako, kasi alamo yung maliit sayo malaki na sa kanila.. parang yung isandaan"

ang tigas nung statement na yun, the idea may be cliche, but we could all use a lil reminding of that every so often..

( :

------

minsan lang talaga mag-forward ng quote c Reechard, at dahil pinoy writer sha, ito pa ang kanyang cnend:

"Pag di na gusto ng tao ang sarili niya, maski s iba ay di na siya kaibig-ibig. Dahil lagi, ang relasyon ng tao sa kapwa't lipunan ay nag-uugat muna s relasyon niya sa kanyang sarili. -Bata Bata.."

Di ko alam kung totoong galing yan sa Bata Bata at kung yung Bata Bata na yun ay yung iniisip kong kay Lualhati Bautista..

basta ayun, SAPUL!!

gusto ko matutunang gustuhin uli ang sarili ko..

hah, drama pa (~_~)

PRAMIS, as in.

^__^

it's called BARELY BREATHING : )

2007-07-10T02:36:00.000-07:00

i've just chopped my hair short.

CHOP being the operative term here as my hair literally looks like that scene in Mulan where Mulan clutched and tugged at her long hair and cut it with a samurai.

hmmm, now everyone calls me "NENE" haha =P

i think i just look a lot like Jose now *winx*

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ok, give me room to gloat, BIG TIME!!

i just topped the first activity in Sports Journ!!

*smiles*

it's about boxing, and we did this note-taking and write-up on the Morales-Pacquiao third bout..

and i was one of the people who got the highest score

wuhoooooo!!

( :

here's hoping this one's a winning streak and not a mere beginner's luck,,

:p

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ow, ow, i did this ish's banner story

and yes, the credits were not there haha

but you know i'm still happy just to see my story there, the edited and better version of it even!!

i just wanna feel good about myself again.. it's a feeling i've been deprived of for quite some time already.. : )

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lastly, i juz wanna thank my God because I'm starting to heal now..

I'm not hurting as much as I used to..

-_-

^__^

im booked for the 11th ( :

2007-07-01T05:36:00.000-07:00

Who's the happy kid now??

(: (: (:

All smiles, got myself two IMAX tickets to Harry Potter 5!! wuhooo!!

And of course, in keeping with the tradition of HP movie is equal to siblings day out..

Im goin with kuya!! (:

*well at least, im telling who am going out with.. NOVIA AINT!! WHATTA CHEAT!! she got no lovin for me any more* -insert frown here-

Im overdosed with Maroon 5's Sweetest Goodbye.. listen to it. *whew*

^__^

i need a cheat sheet.

2007-06-26T12:03:00.000-07:00

CHICKBOSS, Chicktine!! ( : Salamat sa pagpapyansa!! haha MAHAL KO ANG CHICKY NA TO SOBRA!! : )

V beshtys Chickboss and Porkyboss :p

------

Trust me, Jessica Zafra is right when she said there's no pain like physical pain.

This thing going on with my throat has got to stop.

and yes, im gonna ask my doctor soon nuff if i could have my tonsils removed..

i keep on getting ill because of some persistent schmuck that attacks my throat area.

But then again, if i have my tonsils removed, what else would distract from that OTHER ouchie..?? : (

------

Im a sad case and a lost cause.

I need a cheat sheet, a memo that i could stick on my forehead to remind me..

That i should let the past come to pass.

I should really really stop wallowing in my irrational grief.

But it follows me, it really does..

What would I not give to have someone-or-something just extract all of IT away..

I know that in good time, I'd truly be happy for him, for the decision he made, for the love he chose..

I just can't fool myself into believing, I AM, NOW.

And it doesn't help that everything i perceive reaffirms that he was right in doing what he did.

It is still he, his scent, and his nearness that i desperately clutch in silence..

God, why does it have to hurt so much??

) ':

------

i am thankful for the things-slash-people who give the miserable me the magical high ive been needing a lot of lately..

ang SR, drama mode, panira lang si bossing umismayl!! *ala pang picture ang news!!*

me and mi novia's 10th monthsary!! oha, oha akalain nyo, di ko rin inakala eh!! *toinx* ang sweet lo noh, ako nag-decorate your cake nyan!! *big toothy smile*

ang mga kinakating tumagay simula nang magbukas ang iskulyir-- ang oso Jose Cuerva lang ang tinira, walang kasing bading na!!

bu-wahahahahaha, eh sa walang prof, edi kumamera na lang!! :p

------

sometimes, nothing is sweeter than to just lay together, hold hands, watch each other fall asleep and then look at him as if to say..

that you're damaged, scarred and broken.

but that you're eager to give this a shot--if only this could be the one who rescues you.

And then of course, there's always a morning of scrambled eggs, toast and peanut butter HAH!! ( :

^__^

BUMMERS

2007-06-13T09:32:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I met up with a certain Sir Buen of CFAD to discuss my next possible News story with him, inolving him.

When I finally got to the CFAD pav to personally meet Sir Buen for the first time, (thanks to Jowin and Marius!!)

That's when I realized some kind of twisted fate was playing up my day..

HE LOOKED A LOT LIKE SOMEONE, WHOM UNTIL THAT EXACT MOMENT, I WAS DOING A PRETTY GOOD JOB NOT THINKING OF.

dang it. >__<

and his eyes.. i can't help staring at them..

it was like a glitch.

deja vu of nights. when. i. stared. at HIS eyes.

dang it again.

------

i lost my recently refilled G-tec 0.3

recently refilled.

recently.

i don't know how but it really annoys me when i lose my pen.

do you know that it's the most irresponsible thing for me, when you lose your pen?!

that's even more irresponsible to me than when you lose, say, your fone??

ok, im real irresponsible. i lost both. hah!!

so i bought myself a new G-tec 0.3 from the ever dependable tenenenenen: Varsi Stockroom!! *big smile*

Thanks Ketchy my dear. ( :

------

I STILL DON'T HAVE MY HIGH SCHOOL YEARBOOK.

Our Batch (03-04) still can't get their hands on our long overdue yearbook.

And as I was interviewing the HS principal earlier (again for my News story)

she recommended that i address a petition to her which she could present to the then HS secretary who was in-charge of the yearbook.

here's the catch: she suggested i do a signature campaign with that petition.

told ya, i am one who interests herself with headaches, one after the other.

But i am so doing that petition and signature campaign!! ( :

after all, it's our batch's money and memories' worth.

^__^

sleep is a good friend.

2007-06-09T21:31:00.000-07:00

Sorrow can be endured so long as sleep comes in the night, for sleep brings forgetfulness of all things both good and evil as soon as the eyelids close.

--Penelope, lifted from a Lit reader in Homer's The Odyssey

Sleep. it's the next best thing to a virtually reformatted memory.

Actually, there's the other thing.

It's just that--that other thing.. it makes you wish you were with the guy OUTDOOR instead.

Don't mind me, it's me and my nonsensical blabber again.

------

Come start of the schoolyear,

I'd be in my senior year.

And that means I'd be juggling my course load, *insert thesis headache here*

with my concurrent news and special reports writer status *yabang!!*

with my family and what's left of my social life *outings with friends, sundays with family, etc*

so you see, the least i'd be needing right now is another distraction *read: heartbreak*

Focus on work, that is. I will get back on the Dean's list. With mustered revenge.

I just feel empty and drained.

Hah.

------

St. Anthony de Padua,

Pray for us.

I need to find my handy dandy orange-and-yellow steno notebook,

it's my practicum memory's worth.

( :

------

I have yet to prove one of my V beshty Jenny Lynne A. Aguilar aka Bossing, Bru, Enday *My SR editor*

that she was not wrong in recommending me as a concurrent SR and News writer.

I have to prove to myself that im big enough to handle the responsibility.

God, help me.

I'm way past my deadline and I've yet to produce four articles.

I can do this,

Tell me I can do this.

*sigh*

------

I have yet to apologize to my thesis mates,

for tagging them to embark on an almost impossible thesis..

NOVIA, CHENI, gusto nyong bumalik sa original idea ng Grey's Anatomy??

*big toothy grin*

promise, di ako magtatampo kung gusto nyo nang paltan ang theis naten..

i just think i've burdened you guys enough..

: (

------

JENNY LEI PLAMENCO RAVELO!!

again, amberihappeee for what you've got your hands full with right now!!

*smiles smiles big big smile*

finally, the guy who showed you why it couldn't work out with anyone else!! ( :

Thanks Jhen, for still finding time to accommodate me

with your Lucban longganisa ang yummy ripe mangoes!!

heart yah sooo fiesta PICNIC!! :p

Chens, i REALLY REALLY emphasis on REALLY should heed a different caling!!

*winx*

------

he's sweet, he's also unavailable, yes.. but at least he doesn't make me cry.

even if not crying doesn't really mean im any happier,

right now, i'd settle for that.

coz when i think about it hard enough..

he'd feel almost like the real thing..

------

"It's still me, all right?! This is me without you..."
--Katie Holmes, The First Daughter

------

You know you're sappy when the sappiest of songs and movies get to you.

*darn*

^__^

dazed yet unfazed, hallow and sleepless

2007-06-03T11:23:00.000-07:00

commercial:

nakita ko si Sir Rodel kanina sa may grocery ng Es-Em Centerpoint!!

haha, talagang nagtext pa muna sha para ipaalam ang presence nya!! ( :

haaayyy, isa sha sa mga taong mamimiss ko pag alis ko ng press office *sadness*

sila kasi ni Sir Ashzel ang nagpupumilit na babae parin ako *toink*

commercial uli:

dahil sa pangangarir ko sa ojt,

napabayaan ko na lang na lumipas ang bertdey ng beshty nixie ko nang wala man lang akong ginawang espesyal..

shempre pa, hindi ko matitiis yun

kaya labindalawang araw matapos ang kaarawan nya,

hinaya ko shang kitain ako sa Es-Em San LasLas sa may Goldilocks.

DAHIL ANDUN AKO KASAMA NANG MGA PASLIT NA NAGDE-DECORATE YOUR CAKE!!

natawa na lang ang beshty ko nang nakita niya ang obra ko.

NIXIE: "Sigurado ka bang edible yan?!"

AKO: "OO NAMAN!! GANDA NOH?!" *sabay lick ng icing

haha, pa-shweeet daw aq mashado *to follow na lang ang pix nung cake* ( :

at dahil sobrang shweeet namen ni nikorikong,

marami ang nae-eskandalo-- inaakalang rumerelasyon kami

EEEEEWWWWWW ha!! tutumbong ko kayo sa novia ko *heartchie mi novia*

nagpaumaga na kami ni nixie sa piling ni empururotz

haaayyy, nakakamiss ang crowd na yun.. kahit na ba nakakapanibago saken na iba na ang mga kasama kong magpuyatan..

NIXIE, sana maayos na PC nyo para mabasa mo na tong entry ko at nang makapag-upload ka narin ng pix!!

( :

------

i suffer, but i am groping my way out.

i take unsteady steps but i know i'll be able to make it.

at least through the night.

im not crying anymore.

sure, tears still well up in my eyes.

but they stay there, not caring to fall.

im not breaking into sobs anymore.

and that's a good start.

it means exhaustion is finally silencing the moans.

------

extreme highs push me to write.

yep, i've noticed that extremes of emotions push me to pour it all out and write.

sheeesh, now no self-respecting daily would have me as a writer.

they may not slap me with deadline when my adrenaline's on a low.

ho-humn

------

im tired of being involved with persons who merely help me get through the last heartache.

i need someone who'll stay and offer me their shot at permanence even when everyone else thinks i couldn't handle that.

*sigh*

------

ang sabi ng text ko kay Jenny Lynne Aguilar:

no guy ever takes us seriously.. it may be for different reasons but it still boils down to the same thing.. napaka-kitid pa ng utak nila para maisip na kaya rin naman natin magpaka-normal at humawak ng isang matinong relasyon.. hindi naman kc bato, nasasaktan rin tayo..

*hanggang nung isang araw, akala ko kasi natanggap nya na lahat ng ako.. i dint realize it was quite a bit too much for him to stomach pala..*

*i dint know that someone could still get through me.. sanay naman na kasi akong hindi pinipili at iniiwan na lang.. akalain mong natibag parin ako dun..*

*hindi ko rin alam na capable pala akong makasakit.. uli, sanay naman kc ako na ako lang ang nasasaktan.. pasensha na..*

*at sana, maayos nya na kung anumang nagulo ko sa buhay nya.. tutal naman, i was 'shrugged-off' the picture na.. tsaka hindi pa rin naman kc sha ganon katatag para panindigan yung ako..*

*sabi ko nga, hindi ako magagalit, hindi rin ako magtatanong. para san pa.. consigned rin naman ako na maging 'meantime' na lang lagi kahit pa i always see the next person as the one who'll prove me wrong.. wag ipilit ang gusto.*

*even i cant rationalize why something so swift would have to be this damaging..

it mystifies me still.. maybe because you really could learn more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation..

i guess i would just have to wallow in the grief until it ends.

yes, that's my biggest comfort--that the senseless mourning would have to end somehow because my God loves me enough to allow it to end at some point.

until then, i'd have to do a more thorough job at holding back the welling tears,

lest they bite me in the ass when im unaware and do an overspill during an unassuming moment.

i just want to stop caring and feeling.*

kanya-kanyang melodramatic tone lang yan..

hmmm.. ano na kaya ang iniisip at nafi-feel nya ngayon..

tinawag na ko ng kama, maka-utang nga ng tulog. ZzZzZzzzzZzz

^__^

Tell my pain killer.. :' (

2007-05-29T06:57:00.000-07:00

He wasn't mine to begin with..

I merely snatched him from his world, kept him to myself for some time..

I know i couldn't make him happy, and willful as i am..

I'll be a bigger man if i just let him be.

------

To you who pacified me in my pain:

I was needy and heartbroken,

And I came to you because

I know I'll never cry before you.

But I did.

I welcomed the tears--

For it was the most endearing feeling in the world..

To have someone kiss the tears that spilled from my eyes and onto my cheeks.

We spent an almost sleepless night..

And a morning of caffeine for zombies : )

------

For some days, we created a world of our own

Where we hid..

A couple of reckless lovers who did not wish to be found.

There you were my sanity, my security, my sweetest secret.

I only breathed through you.

We couldn't care less that the sun has smiled again,

or that we both just lost in a childish bet..

You were the sum of everything I've always wanted to feel ( :

------

Time is an unforgiving curse.

No sooner had I acknowledged 'temporal'

When 'fleeting' pulled the moment from under my soles.

I have since sought the strength I needed to give you back to your world.. to her..

I was weakened.

Now i chased the hesitant tears from your shut lids,

As i cringed with my own.

"Do you expect anything from me?"

None.

And the pain of craning my neck to see what i still could of you

Even as my cab distanced itself from the street you stand on.. : (

------

If, by any chance, in the moments you are with her again and you think of me..

And you would consider the possibility that i could be more than just "meantime,"

You'll know how to find me, and get me alone.

I am not asking you to offer me a dreaded commitment..

I am only asking you to let me know..

Because i don't need to believe

That all of it.. That I.. meant nothing to you.

I can't bring myself to accept that you'd be able to shrug off what we had, just like that.

------

And yes, maybe soon enough i'll find myself again in our secret world.

Everything would look the same way we left it.

I may be with a different person,

And he might sleep all throughout the night, like I did.

We may talk and laugh and whisper and maybe even cry, like we did.

But I doubt he'll be able to affect me,

Like you did.

------

I hereby absolve you from all guilt, (with whatever right is vested upon me)

Because I've put this well-deserved agony upon myself.

I'd only ask from you that you do not forget

Or even dismiss what we shared.

At the very least,

We'll remain mutually one..

With the moments and memories we've created.

I will forever be indebted to you..

For affording me four, even five of the best, most defining days of my life.

I miss you.. I guess, I really need you back.. :' (

------

^__^

Whatta Rip-Off

2007-03-29T00:16:00.000-07:00

Marc Celis, Kristine Jane Liu and I probly have the craziest guts in V.

Yesterday, all three of us went over to manila city hall to "cover" the then ongoing hostage-taking drama courtesy of Jun Ducat

I figured what the hell, I am sooo disoriented these past days I wouldn't really care if some freakin grenade ended my life

*scrap that--as if nman may say talaga ako sa kung pano aq mamamatay*

since there were almost next to none PUVs which would take us to City Hall, we just rode an FX to Quiapo and worked our way from there, ergo we started walking from there.

We were walking on the overpass, and mind you, on the other side of the over pass were more people trudging their way down. I guess we were halfway through the overpass (we were almost the only people on this side of the bridge) when this guy opposite us walked real fast toward us.. for a while, i was real scared because it looked as if that guy was about to hold-up Marc who was ahead of us.. i frantically rummaged through my bag for my Swiss knife (i know, Swiss knife haha)

Kristine and I walked fast to catch up with Marc and when this guy was right in front of Marc, he blurted out: "Mag-ingat kayo sa dalawang lalaki dun, magnanakaw sila!!"

We looked at the guys who seem to be already walking our way and at the guy who just warned us, he was giving the two guys the finger.

Kristine: "Manong, manong para!!"
OO, pumara nlang kami bigla ng jeep sa gitna ng overpass and normally, hindi ka naman titigilan, buti na lang at wala namang halos sasakyan na dumadaan non kaya wala shang naabala sa paghinto samin!!

whew!! ( :

when we got there, we worked our way around the police lines, the ropes and the works and got to seeing about pretty much the action

kainggit si Marc, dala niya kc yung SLR niya kaya he went on taking his shots, and there was a part wherein he was able to climb the firetruck and got good shots of a lot of things!! COOLNESS!! ( :

Kristine's uncle who was part of the fire department barricading the bus, told us that the drama was staged; it was nothing more than a political propaganda to boost the administration's votes.

I couldn't care less.. I feel more for the children and what happens to them next *told yah, always had a soft spot for these tender souls*

Good thing, they were released unharmed!!

( :

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After taking in the drama, the three of us went to SM Manial to catch a film and we had COWABUNGGA!! Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Advice to everyone else: If you haven't watched the film and are planning to, DON'T. JUST DON'T. Try something else.

Marc put it best: "Asar, sobrang rip-off nung storya!!"

ditto Marc, ditto!! ( :

I almost slept through the film, buti na lang ang cutesy ng role ni Mikey (Michelangelo)!!

wait, or was that Rafael?? hmmmmm..

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I learned of something recently which had made me feel the worst yet in my college life.. (at sana wala ng lumala pa dito)

God, tell me how you want me to plead with you, how you want me to prostrate before you, just so that you could hear my wails.. :'c

I wanted to cry out loud sooo badly, I was just darn thankful Tunying was there.. Thanks dude, sa lahat-lahat.. kahit na ganto pa yung nangyari pa ren..

CHENI LEI RAVELO, Salamat sa pagdamay hanggang sa ma-deadbatt ang cordless ko and even after that--mahal kita bootylicious!!

MARENG JOIZEE, Salamat din sa concern at pagtulong saken na mahabol ang gusto kong habulin, kaso ganun ata talaga ang life :'( mare, itagay naten to!!

KRISTINE and MARC: Kristine sa pag-comfort and Marc sa warm hug, i badly needed those things (Marc, kaya mo rin yan, promise!!)

NIKORIKONG: para sa natunaw na ube ice cream, sa kwentuhan galore, sa pag-aalala sa drinking habits q, sa pag-agaw ng dumplings ni jim at sa bahay nyong ni-raid ko haha, nobody can do it the way my best friend does it--still the one person who knows how to deal with my hopeless mind

JIMPOTZ: para sa alibi kahit butch kapa!! At sa pagdala samin kala Ocheng!!

OCHENG, BART at CHARD: para sa late-night asaran ni Jim at DVD watching ng Pursuit at shempre sa pagpapaalala saking hindi cerveza ang solusyon

KUYAS EDSEL and ROYCE: para sa malupit na inuman at kwentuhan, kahit na ambilis ko pang tumumba!! sa susunod na ikot ng baso na lang ( :

Gawee, for taking my mind off a lot of shit.. i missed that, missed you.

MAMIMISS KO ANG V PAG UMALIS NA KO>>

^__^

two days before i turn TWENTEEN

2007-02-03T23:21:00.000-08:00

blah blah blah

i have had a lot of dreams, illusions some would say..

and i haven't been getting anywhere close to those..

and like an impatient lover, i wail for their fruition,

coz you know what??

I AM NOT GETTING ANY YOUNGER!!

don't i just miss the days when you're celebrating your cutesy 7th birthday

and when you say "I'm not getting any younger.."

everyone ends up rolling on the floor laughing at your remark?!

Now when I say im not getting any younger..

everyone sighs in affirmation of the fact, nods their hands to attest to the truth that it's high time you really start changing the world.

AEON FLUX: "Those who want to change the world should be prepared to take the world as it is now.

*bummers*

*logging off, Sir Lito's right next to me and he might catch me doing non-varsi related computer work*

Did I tell you it's a Sunday and im at work??

sheeesz

I sooo love working, don't I??

^__^

the problem with some drivers..

2007-01-29T04:54:00.000-08:00

SCENE 1:

From CCP, I needed to get to manila hotel/harbor view where my parents are waiting up for me.

sh8: *hails cab--tells the driver where to--driver agrees--i get in*

driver: "P150 na lang hanggang dun, 'minimum' ho"

sh8: "Manong, may metro kayo."

driver: "cge, P120 nlang"

sh8: "eh meron nga hong metro eh"

driver: "isandaan.."

sh8: "bababa nalang ho ako" *binubuksan yung pinto*

driver: *patuloy lang sa pagpapatakbo* "oh eto, 80 nlang!"

sh8: "bababa na nga lang ho ako eh!!" *nakabukas na ng konti yung pinto*

driver: "magkano ba binabayad mo hanggang dun?!"

sh8: *nakahawak sa mejo bukas na pinto* "malaki na nga ho yung 60 eh, ni hindi nga ho papatak ng 50 yung metro papunta dun"

driver: "eh magkano ba 60 plus 20??"

sh8: "bababa na nga lang ho ako!!" *binuksan na tlaga ang pinto*

driver: *ayaw tlagang ihinto ang taxi* "eh hindi nga sagutin mo muna ko, magkano ba 60 plus 20?!"

sh8: *iritang irita na* "edi 80 nga!!"

driver: "yun nga yung ibabayad mo saken"

sh8: "eh bat ko nga kayo babayaran ng 80 eh meron nga hong metro?! bababa na ho tlaga ko!!" *shungak aq oo, gs2ng bumaba kahit umaandar paren ang taxi*

driver: *sa wakas huminto at pinababa aq*

what's more infuriating was i got off on a side road which was quite far from the main road (where i hailed the first cab)

and i had to walk a few good meters back to the main road on my 3-inch pumps

and i'm thinking i trudged on asphalt pavement.

good thing i was reminded of what beautiful night i had with people i normally wouldn't stand a chance of meeting had it not been for V and myla my humps ( : *gushes*

*hmmm.. balang araw.. hehe*

okay, SCENE 2:

we were driving out of the hotel's parking lot when this stupid, stupid, stupid and did i say stupid driver, parallel parked in front of our car blocking our way out. and yes i don't use the word stupid unless i'm describing myself, or mi novia or this kind of person im ranting about just now!!

and for like some good 15 minutes, we were there stuck just waiting for irritatingly moronic driver to come back to his car as my dad and lolo uncle were kinda giving this car the shove to ring the alarm on the driver. and again, yes, i don't usually use moronic to describe someone unless it's myself, or DALE DE VERA or this kind person i'm ranting about now.

and you know what he said when he came back, finally realizing that his car's alarm has been going off and that he just caused some minor traffic in the parking lot?!

driver: *haughtily, if i might add* "wala naman kasing parking space kanina eh"

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!

SOME DRIVERS SHOULD GO TO THE LICENSED DRIVER'S INFERNO FOR THEIR IRRESPONSIBILITY!!

*gee--KABANATUANG SHITTY*

^__^

a new year entry, and it's not punctual ( :

2007-01-14T09:25:00.000-08:00

The moment everyone started greeting the new year with their booms and kabangs,

I told myself that im gonna abstain from rice for a good six months.

Guess what, that's another resolution down the drain.

It went down the same way my ideal part time job did.

*sadness*

But things, are really really looking up

Coz i just finished talking to my sister and she gave me the green light

to have a part time job!!

haaayyy, another thing i always thank my God for,

a very beautiful, loving and understanding sister

( :

two more err.. authorities to go..

wish me well!!

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For 2007,

I'm never gonna settle for leftovers ever again.

One: I'm tired of having to content myself with scraps of what used to be;

Two: Leftovers don't get to satisfy me, anyway;

Lastly: I'm the one who always ends up with the tummy ache and throw-up delight

Go figure.

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If i've hurt anyone/someone with my "honesty"

i think i've already said my fair share of im sorry's..

if that wasn't good enough,

hmmmmm, makes you kinda think you should have just lived out the lie.

More pics are brought to you by KEBIN

The party made me miss my pets terribly, yeah i know that's kinda weird.

and made me realize that clangy should foot a quarter of the bill for all the lootbags she took!!

nyahahahahaha luvya clangy, mag-pinggur ka nlang jan!! ( :

and really, im thankful for all those of you who came,,

in no partcular order:

Noe Atienza III aka abu sweetie
Jan Clarisse Retales
Kevin Jimeno
Maria Isabel Baccay
Patricia Jule Haban
Jacky Lynne Oiga
pahabol: Jaja
Joyce Ann Segui *whooo enjoy sha sa kiddie party*
Evangeline Evangelista
Mary Princess Derit
Phoebe Magdirila
Camille Fallorina
Jonette Marie Mañosa
Phoebe Magdirila
Gian Carlo Tauro
Ivan Angelo de Lara
Rafael Mejia
Dale "Badjoso" de Vera
and last but not the least: ang mga CELEBRATORS ko!!

mahal na mahal ko kayo sobra!! selamat talaga as in,, *mwaaahpsiesz*

special thanks to banggekay for the red wine she gave which instigated a crazier party right after!!

*winx winx* novia, im not even saying anything!! ( :

and ok lang naman kahit na mejo marami rin ang hindi nakadalo *tampo tampo*

sa magmuli,,

:p

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hey you, yes you Leviste

do you honestly have to shoot down a 68-year-old man to disable him?!

gunning down a SIXTY EIGHT-YEAR OLD in self-defense

that's gotta be something,

let's all fan ourselves as we wait for a 5-year-old who's gonna be gunned down in self defense

blah blah blah

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im sooo going crazy over Geoff Rodriguez, one of Marc Nelson's gym buddy in Gameplan.

haha, now that's served hot ( :

kahit leftover nya ok na saken!! *dreamy eyes, drools*

and yes, im still no registered voter.

shoot me, you'd still cheat.

and why is everbody telling me to watch kasal, kasali, kasalo??

curious, very curious..

will watch. time-willing ( :

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and so, 2007 says goodbye to leftovers,

and guys who start innocently enough

and then see you as their wh*re

sheesz, do i really have a blinking sign on my forehead which says:

"I'd like to get some?!"

I won't have any, don't need it, especially not from you.

nuff' said.

^__^

before i join lance cpl. smith..

2006-12-15T09:53:00.000-08:00

what kind of friend are you when you do such things?!

when you join a text support group to make sure your friend is okay on that fated day..

when you check on your friend's whereabouts almost every second of that fated day..

when you expend your MOOLAH, time and dignity just so that your friend gets home dead drunk on the morrow of that fated day..

huh, what kind of friend are you?!

ONLY THE BEST, i dare say. ( :

thanks guys, i owe you big time..

and to my bhabesz, RALPH GREGOR MARATA FRANCISCO.. i owe you what's left of my breaths and sanity.. thanks for making me live another night.. with a very intact budjayna opkorz!! *__*

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You see, I've just breached this contract and before i am subjected by the high high courts to the same fate as that of lance cpl. Daniel Smith..

i just wanna say this with much pride..

TENEN!! im partly through with my Christmas shopping!!

ow yeah bhabesz, i got you something which was quite a cheap find but i swear, ure gonna be sooo damn exhilarated when you get them--and use them!!

bu-wahahahahahahaha :p

and for my pretty novia,

a 4th monthsary and xmas gift in one hihi *sana kiligin*

asar yung para kay jhen, di paren dumadating yung gusto ko for her eh!! *winx*

guys please, promise me you're gonna visit me ha.. para naman hindi aq ganong mabu-bootch pag asa loob na q..

mapahiya pa saken si ANGELOURDES eh!! wala ka pala eh!! ( :

haaayyy, i just dint want to push through with my first day of work

especially when it doesnt excite me that much..

and well, if something can't take the whole of me, take my breath away in any possible way..

then maybe that something just aint good enough to work for me, or for me to work for it or whatever..

and i too wanna stop doing things all for the wrong reasons.. *sigh*

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nothing beats waking up to a message in your fone by someone you've been thinking a lot of lately *insert kilig here--topped with lovely shideh's name*

text si jaycee: "ui, oblation run ngayon punta ka!"

text si toni: "oblation run ngayon, thought you myt wanna come!"

ok, those were not the exact words but you got the drift eh??

haaayyy, kapag Celibate-Since-Birth ka nga naman oh, maski ang mga kaibigan mong UP-ians ay naghahanap na ng MANNA for you..

is it so criminal to be virtuous nowadays??

^__^

wake me up when december ends..

2006-12-04T06:32:00.000-08:00

KFC:

newlywed guy bumps me: "ai, im sorry"

bhabesz: "wheee, flirting, you like married men talaga!"

me sa counter na at kinukuha na ang order: "why do all guys have to turn to me, only to say.. im sorry??"

cashier: "maam, is that your order??"

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mumbo is a super cutie!!

watch Happy Happy Happy Feet to clue in on what ive said and about to say

i soooooo hate gloria's character in that animation!!

do you really do that??

after professing your utter devotion to someone (who conversely is madly in love with you too)

and telling him that, "i guess you have no choice, you're stuck with me" ( :

do you really do that??

i mean, would you really leave THAT ONE the moment he lambasts your person

when you know he's only doing that because he wants to ensure your safety?!

do you really leave the instance he tells you to leave??

..

because i dint.

and who are you to disagree?!

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yeah, im sick, i know..

even if the health certificate would prove otherwise.

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"...read well, decode, detect
and love me when i seem to hate."

--ending lines to Dimalanta's READ ME

tell me why no one can.

*written this 4th day of the 12th lunar insanity,
tolling are the bells in four days sphere of life and burn*

^__^

how could i ask for more?? ( :

2006-11-20T08:18:00.000-08:00

For our 3rd monthsary, mi novia made me uber kiligers with this lovely orange bundle of surprise..

mi novia also gave me this card which said that she'll heart me till the last flower fades..

guess what, that reddish-orange flower in the midst of this arrangement is artificial!!

yeah, that one will never ever fade--hopefully,,

*sweetness*

:p

haha, akalain nyong capable pala ang aking novia na magpa-sweet ng ganon?!

heartcha pretty novia!! *__*

Angeela: "ba't pag ikaw yung may dala ng flowers, parang tinapah??"

Joiz: "waaahhh, saken ang monthsary gift (ni juju) inuman!!"

super touched aq gurlfriend ano pa man ang sabihin nila *nax*

and amidst the dubious, questioning stares of people who are amazed at the irony of what we celebrate

bu-wahahahahahaha, cge maghiya-hiyaan kuno tayo!!

thanks for the crazy token,,

*mwaaah*

promise i'm unfaithful no more..

tara, punta tayong pampanga?!

^__^

third's the charmer winx

2006-11-17T21:45:00.000-08:00

"but that's what we do, we fight!! you tell me when im being a son of a bitch & i tell you when you're being a pain in the ass.. which you are 99 per cent of the time!! and i guarantee it won't be easy, i guarantee at one point or another, one of us is going to want to leave.. but i also guarantee you this, that if i don't ask you to be mine, im gonna regret it for the rest of my life.. coz i know in my heart that you're the only one for me.."

oha mi novia, ive juz recklessly combined The Notebook & The Runaway Bride for our 3rd monthsary!!

in the process of completion na my blog entry for our monthsary @ kahit na ilang Palanca awardees pa ang umagaw s atensyon m mi novia, bubugbugin q lng clang mga filinyerong bansot!! Ü (exception c LED)

i heart u nmn na sobra mi novia @ kahit na puno pa ng "junk" food ang iyong uber sexy bod, (as u proclaim it is) mamahalin kta maging cno k man!!

mwaaahugs

--sent to mi novia @ 12.42 am on this 18th day of november 2006, our happy happy 3rd monthsary.. laban pa?! ( :

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on other things, can someone help me out on how checkpoints ought to properly work??

take note of the operative terms ought and properly,,

for days on end just this week, i had to go home way past midnight because of office works

and somewhere before the nagtahan bridge, a checkpoint is set up

im all okay with the checkpoint and the slight traffic they cause, and the few more cents on my cab fare

it's just that.. what exactly do these cease and search operations cover?!

i guess i've passed by that same checkpoint more than a coupla times already

and there was even this one time when i was kinda tipsy

driver: " maam, bangon po muna kayo jan, checkpoint kasi, baka masita tayo"

tenen, and the officers there just watched us pass by!!

now i would have understood if they didn't give much fuss over public vehicles,

but then there was also another time when the cab in front of us was asked to veer off the road and into their side of the fence *literally* for further inspection.. and that cab dint even have a passenger within.

c'mon, where's the probable cause in that?!

i remember one friend who told me of a checkpoint incident he had.

he just dropped off a very drunk friend to his subdivision when on the road way out, on the same checkpoint which had earlier let them just pass through, he was stopped.

remember that the rule with these checkpoints is, the plain view doctrine.

one officer allegedly took this stuffed toy i gave him and kept on scrutinizing that toy for no apparent reason!!

as if to "fancy" him even more, the officer even started rummaging through his almost empty glove compartment..

so much with plain view eh??

now, tell me who decides on what car gets stopped and what are the parameters for that?? and just how suspicious should you be that you should be stopped for a thorough inspection?!

driver: "kawawa naman yung mga pulis, yung nabalita dun sa isang checkpoint. titignan pa lang nila yung van eh niratratan na sila!!"

hmmm, oo nga naman.. baka maski sila nalilito rin sa ginagawa nila.

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we've just met our PolDy professor last Monday,

and it is just now that i came to learn *from him* of the two kinds of bribing which happen during elections

there is the positive and the negative bribing

positive is when you bribe a person to vote for this electorial candidate;

negative is when you bribe a person not to vote--to stay at home like sitting ducks

what the f***?!

bribing is bribing regardless of whatever adjective you'd like to affix before it!!

you may even call it beautiful bribing for all my mockery's concern, but it's still gonna be bribing..

and there's just the worse kind, when you practice your fiscal power to inhibit a citizen's right of suffrage.. when you tell them to stay at home and pray for the mercy of the tyrannical rule to come..

is it not enough that you've become beasts that you'd have to subject your fellow citizens to the indios status their forefathers have been degraded to?!

i know that may is still a good 6 months away,

but for the love of whatever worth's left in your veins..

don't buy votes, don't sell your votes and don't be the simpleton indios ignorante!!

as i speak, dang it!! i haven't even registered yet,,

shame on me. ( :

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the other day i was watching Jude Law in Alfie,

it's an aliw movie actually

it greatly employed that theatre soliloquy technique, only this time Alfie is not alone when he voices out his comments, ideas or opinions

oftentimes, there are other characters in the scene but as is, they "don't hear" what he's saying,

"always make sure to have a relationship that'd see you through the holidays.."

"maybe it was just our mutual desperate desire to have ourselves--a MERRY LITTLE CHRISTMAS"

"the aphrodite in the museum, Nicky was like that.. a beautiful sculpture.. but damaged, with cracks showing even in its thorough finish.. and you see them only when you get too close"

"i hate feelings, they have a tendency of sneaking up on you and catching you off-guard"

and there's this one part when the amorous Alfie caught this elderly woman *Susan Sarandon* whom he was having an affair with, doing another man..

Alfie: "tell me, what's he got better than me?! c'mon tell me, why won't you answer me?? what's he got better than me?!" *hysterical shrieks*

Liv: *stutters but finally answers* "he's younger than you..."

sapul!!

(~_~)

if and when, the time comes that a guy would tell me the counterpart of the latter lines,

i'd be hiring OJ Simpson's lawyers for my murder trial!!

haha *winx*

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and so i started with lines for mi novia,

lemme finish it off with lines still offered to my uber lovely girlfriend!! ( :

i know you've heard/read this already mi novia, but i'd still like to type 'em down..

" I LOVE YOU. And not in a friendly way, although i think we're great friends. And not in a misplaced affection, puppy-dog way, although i'm sure that's what you'll call it. And it's not because you're unattainable. I love you. Very simple, very truly. You are the epitome of every attribute and quality I've ever looked for in another person. I know you think of me as just a friend and crossing that line is the farthest thing from an option you'd ever consider.

But i can't do this any longer. I can't stand next to you without wanting to hold you. I can't look into your eyes without feeling that longing you only read about in trashy romance novels. I can't talk to you without wanting to express my love for everything you are. I know this will probably queer our friendship--no pun intended--but I had to say it, because I've never felt this before, and I like who I am because of it. And if bringing it to light means we can't hang out anymore, then that hurts me.

But I couldn't allow another day to go by without getting it out there, regardless of the outcome, which by the look on your face is to be the inevitable shoot-down. And I'll accept that. But I know some part of you is hesitating for a moment, and if there is a moment of hesitation, that means you feel something too. All I ask is that you not suppress that--at least for ten minutes--and try to dwell in it before you dismiss it. There isn't another soul on this planet who's ever made me the person I am when I'm with you, and I would risk this friendship for the chance to take it to the next plateau. Because it's there between you and me. You can't deny that. And even if we never speak again after tonight, please know that I'm forever changed because of you and what you've meant to me, which--while I do appreciate it--I'd never need a painting of birds bought at a diner to remind me of."

--Chasing Amy and text lifted from Surreality

happy 3rd monthsary mi novia, and here's wishing we'll celebrate more!!

i heart you to the maxx!!

^__^

surprise surprise Ü

2006-11-09T20:43:00.000-08:00

as im typing this entry,

bhabesz is taking a bath!!

nyahahahahahaha, yes my dear, limited readers

i am at the kagubatan at kausukan of imus!!

(*_*)

ganto kc yan, since my bhabesz and i kinda fought over errr.. some irregularities last wednesday

i devised a way by which we could spend time together

kc basta, feelng q kc nung day na yun parang "makikipag-break" na saken bhabesz q

kaya to show him im really really gonna miss him if he ever tries to fight with me again

tada!! i went all the way here in the wilderness of imus!!

note to gee: hehe, sunod ka sa tagaytay,,

yep, im pretty much kidnapping my bhabesz right now to join me for a cup of coffee in tagaytay

eto lang naman nasabe nya eh: "grabe, ngayon ko lang nalaman na sobrang social climber naten!!"

buwahahahahahaha *winx winx*

he would much rather go to moa but i told him nah, i got lost some kilometers off your bundok so we will go to my tagaytay!!

more details to follow,

but for now, wish us well

we are both VERY GOOD with directions!!

>__<

heres hoping we get to tagaytay and our cup of coffee..

in one piece,,

p.s. bhabesz is wearing pekpek shorts when i arrived
*imitates jyakiiie* double ewww

^__^

it is never easy to say i can

2006-11-05T17:18:00.000-08:00

came back just last saturday from tagaytay

haaayyy at long last, a much needed vacation fulfilled!!

ive tried to learn the guitar from my "musical" relatives who were also on their vacation there

*imagine, some of my cousins are way way younger than me and yet they play the guitar so well!! loser q*

but you see, i was more interested in molesting the magic sing *winx*

and and and

i learned how to ride the scooter haha ( :

i wanted to learn riding the real motor

kaso ang mommy, scooter pa nga lang ayaw na qng paglakbayin eh, nung humirit aqng motor sinigawan aq?!

do i look like the kind who gets into accidents easily??

sheeesh,,

ive missed my clan dearly, it's really a good thing i took some time off the bustle of work back here.

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it's funny how one text message can send people readily replying

i forwarded this txt msg on zodiac signs telling about your kissing style

*which, coincidentally, was sent to me by Mitch--selos na novia q jan!! di bale novia, pampanga pa sha malayo-layong biyahe un pag pinursige*

then Dorae *not his real name* rplyd with a "Yeah"

that was kinda weird since we always just exchange forwarded msgs, it has been a month or so since we last talked-talked

tas his sign pa pala was scorpio

bu-wahahahahaha

go figure..

labo, noh?!

( :
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before i left for tagaytay last week,

before we officially enrolled,

while killing time in center stage..

i found out something about my palpitating dwarf of a bhabesz

and i wasn't all too happy with that knowledge..

especially when i know ive pushed him into such acts..

call it overly moral,

or plain exaggeration..

i just remember his exact words in CHOWKING some weeks ago

"kaya nga ko ganto ka-strong ngayon dahil sayo, tas ganyan ka?!"

coz i think right after that night, he/she started misbehaving again.

dont use my affairs to do that which i have strongly forbidden you to do..

i won't give you any reason to continue,

coz i have ended it.

i hope you realize how colder it is in Tagaytay

when you pretend not to see his messages nor his calls..

and though everyone has been giving me nothing but raised eyebrows and prejudices on this fancy

it has been my only sanity since January.. he has been..

"you can't break what's already broken"

and i guess i should go after him whose heart i could actualy burn to pieces..

that's the only way i could level the playing field,,

^__^

between doing and enduring

2006-10-28T06:53:00.000-07:00

have recently come back from a trip to Calatagan, Batangas

and ive realized that calatagan is way far from the metro

i used to think kc that any place in batangas is just an hour drive away from manila

imagine, being on the road for almost five friggin hours inclusive of mere 10-15 min stopovers!!

but really, what reason have i to complain??

after all, it was an all-expense-paid trip

and im one of the newbies in the team

so ok,, ( :

i'll be uploading pix in the gallery as soon as richard gives me a copy

hehe, inabuso kc nmeng tres marias de pro-be ang digicam ng unico bonito namen eh!!

anyhow, got officially initiated into V on the last night of the trip

i had an idea beforehand of what my initiation would be

when i was already blindfolded, i kinda dint take it seriously

i mean after all, they couldnt possibly capture that which im ultimately creeped out of just so that i could be properly purged of my inhibitions, right?!

so i was giggling the first few seconds until

Sir Lito said: "oi tama na yan ha, sobra na yang ginagawa nyo"

sh*t!! i freaked out instantly and kinda crazily jumped

even shed tears that were seen the minute kuya dric took off the blindfold..

haaayyy.. un lang pala un grrrrrrr!!

i thought i get to move on to the next level since for the most of that 30 seconds i did succeed in keeping still

eh kaso, they had a prior agreement pala na since i always came in late during the trip e.g. nung departure morning *almost forgot about our outing kundi pa nanggising c mommy* at wake-up call the following morning,

i had to do this other consequence..

which i failed the first time

and the second time made me wish i never knew dear beer at all!!

aaargh, why does truth have to be sooo shameful at times?!

buti na lang talaga sport c kuya erick, even congratulated me after the rites

hehe kilig ang bata

kaso nakita q na gf nun eh

alangya, hands down walang laban

mas naging crush q pa nga yung gf eh *prettyness*

moving on, moving on

wow!! kuya dric really commands attention when he speaks

that guy quite earned my esteem in just a few minutes of good talk before us

wala lang, why did i even think he was a bagful of air, in the first place??

he has a right to carry airs naman eh ( :

one of the things he said:

"you dint sign up for friendship here, you signed up to write, to work. friendship only comes as a consequence of working together"

thanks kuya dric, now i understand

and besides, you can never use your own character as the standard for the next person's character..

kaya kung di mo matimpla ang ugali nila, isipin mo na lang..

baka di rin nila matimpla ugali mo.

haaay, buti na lang im at ease with my "co-fetuses"

especially Kristine, i think i am that girl if i recklessly break my parents' hearts more often

astig talaga, i never thought i would get that close to her kasi 1st impression q dun mahadera eh

tsaka okay pa ang tagteam ng richard at jenny,,

( :

Ate Palo reiterated this one while we were in our room:

"it's not what you can do but what you can endure"

and it does make a lot of sense

coz sometimes you can extend all effort in furnishing an article with leaping pictures of life

and have no one commend you for that

even get all kinds of flak for it..

the trickiest part is finding the sanest way to stomach it all without necessary losing your voice

remember that the newspaper is never a democratic organization and that your editors will have the last say

but i could always have the last laugh,, ; )

sheesz, why did i choose this profession again??

ow yeah, after the initiation rites, got myself beer

and since they were only offering sanmig light and pilsen

i opted for pilsen na

one staffer commented, "tambay ka, sunog baga?!"

because every one else was drinking sanmig light

"eh bakit ba, kesa naman yang light para lang aqng nagpalaki ng tyan!!" i retorted

coz it's true, i don't like light it's like filling up your tummy with empty air

atleast with pale pilsen, kahit pano may hagod

but honestly, that was my 1st time with pilsen

it's usually strong ice, redhorse, vodka, wine or bailey's

and i ultimately try to steer away from brandy and tequila

the last time my good good friends forced me fundador

they got themselves a bagful of undigested hotdog on the sink and a microtape worth of confessions!! *lol*

i know i know

i told myself i'd abstain from alcohol atleast until christmas because im starting to have this awful beer belly na

but that day i got my grades *courtesy of keybin*

and damn was i dissapointed..

i frankly expected a higher than 1.5 average

and i got a slap of 1.625

ayan, sinamahan pa ni tine ng ka-bitteran nya with TDC tas ayaw aq samahan uminom nung tao

kaya ini-inom q naren sha!! ( :

i don't care how many people would tell me that 1.625 is okay since i still got myself in the dean's list

point is, im one of the few people who never celebrate terrible MEDIOCRITY

sorry, but if i had the choice on things, i'd gladly scrap the cum laude title because it gives students an "erroneous" right to indulge in mere superficial capabilities!!

aaargh, grrrrrr!!

Senyor gave me the all-time low of dos

what's up with that?!

i could contest that i did more than a "dos" worth in his class!!

asar talaga sobra!!

okay, so i only had 2 pilsen bottles but add that up to my sleepless nights

i did get quite tipsy..

and i ended up sleeping on a boat err.. on the boat dock, alone ( :

i separated myself from the groups that were either staying up and having fun or sleeping well and having serenity..

the last time kc that i was "tipsy" and with V people

i said a whole lot of things with dire irretractable consequences

so better alone than made fun of, rytie??

and besides, i found myself needing some time alone with myself..

i needed to assess myself..

for the failures that outnumber my miniscule successes despite what hard work ive given

i needed some alcohol in my sytem to garner enough strength

to question my God why I am nowhere where i want myself situated..

sometimes you need to see the stars from the slit of boat sails to comprehend

just how little you still are..

wandering alone makes you think of who'll come along searching for you

and alone there, beneath the starry sky and the seemingly immense water with no one delusional enough to frantically call out your name in the vast darkness

i got a glimpse of how my ever after would feel like..

calm, serene with the resounding stillness of a conversation with the heavens.. but nevertheless, alone.

raye: "natulog ka sa bangka?! alamo minsan feeling q psycho ka, di nga!!"
moi: *giggles*
raye: "kita mo, tinawag na nga kitang psycho tinawanan mo pa q"
moi: *says to myself* "sometimes insanity makes me human,,"

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you know just how much i love mi novia??

for our 2nd monthsary, i earnestly pleaded for 2 hours with this panaderia along p.noval for that autoload streamer of Dennis Trillo whom mi novia hearts so much even if he *Trillo* is not that cute naman hehe

JAMAICA JANE JUGUETA PASCUAL, tandaan mo manlilibre ka kung DL ka!! ano, tignan ko grades mo?! ; )

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aaargh, there's this oktoberfest-wannabe on our street right now

and darn, right now i could hear the loud loud band singing push the button

dang, that song makes me wanna PUSH someone off the cliff.. and into my arms bu-wahahahahaha

earlier they were singing insensitive

NATIONAL INSENSITIVE DAY BA NGAYON?!

earlier jhen was singing it sa KTV

hmmm.. ni ayokong isipin ang naiisip q,,

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while on our way home from enrolment,

jhen and i saw a bride getting off the car for the wedding waiting for her in the church

jhen: "pangitain ba to, na magpapakasal na sha?! ayoko!!"

it made me think,

as the bride walks down that proverbial aisle, what are her exact thoughts??

or that groom waiting for his bride, what is he thinking about??

do they think of the same things?? pending bills, a love fulfilled, that swelling tummy, the series of responsibilities which follows or perhaps old flames they'd much rather marry than this one??

moi: "pangitain yan, papakasal na kc sha, i mean yung akin.. yung dati.. huh??"

before, even the marriage banns in my church affect me..

ive already been through losing two guys to marriage *my sentence construction seems to imply a queer notion*

weddings do not bother me as much anymore

but if i lose a third to marriage..

i think i'll try a shift from single blessedness to that greater calling,,

: )

note: just when you thought you couldn't be any more bummed, your ex shows up to add useless noise to an already crushed day
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
months ago, i bought this fortune cookie from chowking

here's what my first ever fortune from a cookie read:

This thing that we call "Failure" is not the falling down,

but the staying down.

I'm trying

I'm doing.

off to tagaytay now, finally a place where i could always be a carefree child

for now, i bid you farewell--all cares in this part of my world,,

^__^

My dearest friends, I have departed

2006-10-24T12:30:00.000-07:00

whew, now that's what i call the blogger's block

It has been FIVE months since i last keyed in anything here

yihee, matutuwa na ang ilan jan sa nabuhay kong muling blog!! ( :

well, it has been a gruelling five months for me

those closest to me would pretty much understand the circumstances

1st: i was too lazy to revamp my page because

2nd: i was errr.. recuperating from two rather large blows i.e. a petty-turned-out-two-month-long-quarrel-with-tripod-bffs-and-a-wed-ex-love-of-my-youthful-folly-huh??

3rd: i really busied myself with a lot of other things just so that i know i am not missing out on so much by musing on things which have come to pass..haaayyy

if you come to think of it, dami naren palang nangyari since last i blogged

muntikan nang ma-reyp ang novia q dahil pinauwi q sha ng hatinggabi na at mag-isa sa daan

di na mauulit mi novia!! *winx*

then of course i got back with my betches of a bffs *happiness*

natapos ang isang sem *wuhoo, mga hamstoi*

growling na uli ang tigers *go bangge-kay, happy bertdey ule sabe ni dylan!!*

CEO na ko ngayon *bu-wahahaha, itanong ke joiz*

im comftably closer with passie jyakiiieee and bouncin clangy *oh, bat ka nadidiri jan passie??*

na-corrupt ang memory card q *hanggang ngayon*

spent all too many night-outs on ehem projects, requirements for the finals

and of course there's V...

I guess being part of the school paper gave me a lot more than what i expected

a lot more of stress, rainy nights on the waterforms of Espanya, bloody interrogation with WPD

but trust me guys, more than the seeming state of haggard-ness that i flaunt each time i walk in class,

i am quite contented with the discipline i get from V

alam naman nating lahat na bulok ang curriculum nateng JRN sa ating Unibersidad

kaya sa V, dun ko cguro na na-practice yung exposure na kelangan talaga naten..

and hopefully, when i get to pass this ish haha! lifted na ang probationary status q!!

unless nalang harangin pa ng maxipeel model jan *lol*

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bat q nga ba naisipan ang layout na to??

actually, i was more of gearing for a gypsy-like layout para ma-feel ang la vie boheme theme talaga

but then i thought of the childhood i spent with care bears, and i remembered that for those brief Saturday mornings in front of the boob tube watching the bears that could never come close to fugly Deyl.. i felt the freest, as if every gnarly bumps along this scandalous world would be resolved by the care bears.. La Vie Boheme, act as you must brothers and sisters for we are all equal!!

ayan, nagpapakalalim pa eh.. nag-eexplain lang naman ng layout ( :

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son las cuatro na ng madaling araw and later im off to calatagan pa for V's midyear planning

and i haven't even fixed my things yet.. for a 7:30 am call time!!

sensha na, but i really have to write it all down..

matagal rin ata aqng na-pirmi sa journal q *yep, i still have those cutesy oh-sooo-gurly dear diaries*

i think i wanna celebrate my departure

not the physical kind, wherein you *muerte* or you leave for a trip..

this kind of departure wherein you just find yourself detaching from things which you've always thought unbearable to leave behind..

i thought i couldn't do it, at least not this year..

but you know what, i am OKAY now really really

tanggap na.. not so much as "dahil kailangang tanggapin" as "nadala ka na sa ideya"

promise, itagay mo pa sa Fundador!!

sa wakas, salamat.. di q na ganong naiisip.

( :

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hmmm..

must remember never to dip chocolate crinkles in gravy again!!

yes guys, i got food-poisoned yet again because of another experimentation with my gustatory senses

and that happened on the eve of the last Inkblots

imagine, i was freakin out the following morning wondering how i'd be able to attend to my duties with a grumbling stomach

Thank heavens for taong-bahays!! I got assigned to the post on the last day, Thurs, and while im not the kind to shy away from hard work, my tummy needed the rest that day

isang bagay ang pinakanatuwa aq sa day na un:

got to talk with kuya dric on quite some personal matters..

ive always thought that guy was just a bagful of air

damn was i wrong!!

wish i had been there in V na during his time palang ( :

hmmm..

my first normal meal after my FP incident was the following Sat morning with Gary in a Chinese Resto *come to think of it, that was the first time we've actually met while the sun was still up*

kala q okay na talaga tummy q since hindi naman sha nag-react after all that ive eaten

at dahil ang novia q eh pinagpalit aq sa Quiapo, i decided to txt my dear ole TamTam to join me in watching a movie *di q tlaga kayang mag-isa manood and the last movie i saw on the big screen was with my reco with novia--Super ex-gf*

we watched The Departed in moa*review, to follow*

eh ang Tamtam q mashado aqng inii-spoil, naghahaya sa dampa for dinner.. sabe q i wasnt up for heavy food kasi i was in dire need of serious dieting

aiun, ayaw patalo, ordered a lot for us in Sbarro

ok pa talaga on the way home eh kaso as soon as i stepped inside the house

kaboom, i was about ready to throw up

kakaibang "food interaction" talaga as my nursing friends would say

i could hear my stomach protesting, i bet even my cat from upstairs could hear it!!

ayan. soft diet ka uli muna taba, it's for your own good din :p

hmmm, parang di aq yung nagtatayp ng mga salita dito, labo-labo kc antuk naren naman aq

il try to edit next time!! ( :

il leave you with this one from The Departed

"Honesty is not synonymous with Truth."

ow yeah,,

^___^

RANDOMNESS Ü

2006-05-08T07:28:00.000-07:00

well yeah, i've been in a month-long hiatus from blogging

and true, i did stand up to the challenge of posting at least once a month since i am posting an entry now ( :

uhmmm okay, i've been on a hiatus coz one dry, arid afternoon i suddenly decided on being the best couch potato there is!!

i said to myself, i've worked myself so hard during the last sem, i think i owe it to myself to do more of the slothing around to which i am perfectly entitled to for my summer vacation..

but there's one downer to slugging down all the time.. you start missing the action of sucking up to the real-world-slime..

and yep, my previous post did indicate that i was up for this summer job..

and yeah, im still bumming around with no summer job

i mean, i got myself low enough to apply for the position of CSR aka trabaho sa call center na parang dun sa..

and well, turns out the company binds you to a three-month contract

of which i am sure, when my fellas do find out, they'd strongly object to.. summer job nga ayaw eh, yun pa kayang hanggang pasukan?!

and get this:

since i was pretty sure i won't be grabbing the position anymore, i sorta read their endorsement letter..

and it typically said that i had MINIMAL GRAMMAR and AVERAGE COMMUNICATION LEVEL!!

who were they kidding?!

they couldn't possibly put that in my endorsement letter!!

ah-ah, no way!!

really now, i think i have more to my skills than JUST that, right?!

so, i really hunted down all the possible summer jobs out there, by the way the Philippine Islands do not offer summer jobs only part-time jobs so i was basically looking for a part-time job which i could easily squeeze out of the moment school starts --whew!!

and you know what really got me down??

well i applied online for this position and i just never heard from them..

i was really looking forward for that job..

haaay, mangarap daw ba kasing maging Creative Writer of premier online networks..

*sadness*

you know why i really want a summer job??

because i want a happier bank account..

because my beloved ate's birthday is on june and i really want to send something nice for her special day..

because i read somewhere that being busy is an important social status.. it makes you feel important..

despair and paranoia.. they're not the loveliest of combinations i tell you..

i wanted badly to tell my ate how i was feeling coz somehow, she always found a way to make me feel assured of myself all over again..

but you see, her country's distance just makes all the difference..

i wanted to talk to err.. another sister.. long-lost for that matter, and well, remembering all the things that has come to pass between us.. i'd like to think that on topics like this.. she'd totally be incommunicado already..

did i tell you that i already told my parents abount my ardent wish of shifting courses?? even pleaded with them to let me..

i know i spent the better two years of my life in arts&letters.. but it's just that.. it's just that i think i am a better person when i am with my highschool friends in nursing.. honestly. honestly.

ow schmuck, i am staying where i am.. and maybe, it ought to be like this..

anyhow, on a lighter note.. this post would be extra special

kasi may pictures galore dito!! yehey!!

bat ko naisipan??

simple.. nakita ko ule kc recently ang tinig ng gurlfwend ko at ngayon ko lang napagtanto na picture pala ng necktie yung isang pic sa header nya

oo, ganon ko yun katagal na-realize!!

nga pala gurlfwend, anong ginawa sayo ni JOHN TRAVOLTA WANNABE ha?! gusto q rin basahin yung blog nya--which, incidentally, eh hindi ko na mahanap sa links mo ( :--

upakan ko yun eh, ang pangit naman ng set of teeth nya ah!!

ow, ow, nakita q nga rin pala sa news yun na MTRCB is planning to ban Da Vinci from showing, parang sa Schindler's List..

isa lang masasabi ko, MR&MRS SMITH!!

waaahhh, MTRCB can't prevent the showing of our DATE MOVIE!!

nga pala gurlfwend ko, wag na naten isama c jhen this time ha.. laging LATE eh!! diba, diba?!

ah-heart ya jhen!! ( :

yan, yan tlga yung pic nung neckties.. ganda diba?? ; )

baboy-slash-becke, hmmm.. go figure : )

diba mas tunay silang magkamukha?? ( :

promise MARI, i won't be philandering no more!!

give examples of indehiscent fruits!!

the hands which massacre my chastity ( :

now that was something else ( :

and eto na ang long-overdue pix ko from being wheelchaired into the med station of EK

FAT-ASS!! ( :

whoa!!

ow, i wanted to go on a diet to fit into a real good swimsuit this summer

but thinking of dieting made me gain ten more pounds wu-hoo ( :

and yes, i'll be going to galera this friday with a coupla hs friends and my bro..

i LOVE my brother Hevan so much as in!! Greenbelt was way more enjoyable and funnier with him *winx*

nga pala jhen, am i still on for that FLOWER POWER?? ( :

it's midway through may and yep, i've given up all hopes of ever finding my summer job..

unless of course, someone offers me a pornstar pictorial?! ( :

last time i was by the main building.. i stood before the closed oak doors of the museum

it was appalling, to realize how big those doors are now that you're facing it alone..

hmmm.. maybe i could trick the security guard into following me once im inside the museum..

and then maybe he'll know that it's no fun chasing a lone soul.. *__*

and by the way, this lay-out is for temporary use only..

im working on a new lay-out haha M.Y.G.P. MAKE YER GURLFWEND PROUD!! (( :

please do tell me that our labor force are more than mere DH's and CSR's.. we owe our skills a lot more than JUST that..

*forgetting can be hard.. 3 guesses whose lay-out originally this is.. 3 guesses why i'm all bitter on this scathing day..

^__^

TUMMY TALKS

2006-04-04T01:10:00.000-07:00

aaargh,

summer is really bringing out the virus in here!!

ive been one sickly child since last Sunday,

imagine waking up with a real sore body

the soreness which you kinda associate with intense aero

just that im not doing anything close to that!!

grrrrr, then later that day i got a fever and topped by a real achy tummy

i dint even get to hear mass because of this mess!! sorry Lord ( :

aaawww and my sinyolito buyico aka mr. poi is sharing the fling with sickness..

my baby is suddenly becoming bulimic, throwing up the little food that he/she/it eats

and my mom thinks i have trancazo so she suggests we go to the nearest gym and spend the days of my summer vacation burning the fats that we have sinfully acquired

huh??

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

get this:

i dont think im the only being that's pestered by her supposedly mushy texts

c'mon, we're not even that good of friends for her to burden me with such barf-y quotes

can't she just have the faintest idea of what moderation is?!

her texts are just becoming all too comical, it's disgusting already!!

will someone tell me how to BLOCK someone's # in your fone?!

grrrrrrrrrrrrrr

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

okay, so my beztybud Nikaria and I have been planning to go to Galera ever since the FINALS lifted off from our shoulders..

the gang's actually kinda excited about it already

too excited i dint even realize it until

Niggah called me yesterday to tell me that we leave on the fifth.

of this month.

tomorrow.

whoa!!

whatever happened to carefully planned?!

turns out atasha's got her summer classes to conform to the new curriculum of her faculty so we had to do this thing earlier

problem is i surely can't go on such short notice!!

so i sorta submitted myself to the idea that i'd be missing yet another out-of-town with my bezties

and when my NIGGAH called me this afternoon i was kinda sure id be saying a NO to her

ah-ah!!!

i think i just said a YES!!

Yes, because she asked me if i wanted to join her in this job interview tomorrow

and yes the Galera trip wont push through at the moment!!

yipee!! perhaps i could have my summer job after all

God, i do need a happier bank account now

Help me ( :

and well, i also need to talk to Nikaria about a whole lot of other things for Nursing (check previous post)

okay then, im off to make my errr.. Impressive Resume

haha

and here's hoping my tummy wont be problematic tomorrow

^__^

EEEGADS!!

2006-03-28T07:18:00.000-08:00

Tao: "ay kaklase nyo ba yung HOMOL..?? Sabe kasi ni _ E _ L, yun daw yung babaeng galit na galit nung nagka-girlfriend sha eh"

Gracious!!

ME: Look here N _ I _, I don't know whatever gave u the friggin idea that I got mad when u started goin out w/ ur girl.. bcoz i dint get mad and i don't even rmember givin a damn. So don't make it look like i venerate you, coz id Lyk to think ive got better sense than that!! and puh-leeease, I think it's kinda enough that ur wife already makes u feel Like "you're the man," not evry1 eLse would Like to say the same for u.. coz not evry1 Feels ur need for an eGo-boost. Ow, just in case ure in doubt, i never thought u were "The Man" anyway. Sheeez

REPLY: I don't understand what you are talking about ms. Homol and frankly I wouldn't even want to know. I believe you have far better things to do than think about your shit or whatever you'd wish to call it. But don't go bombing around raving and ranting to me like that! say whatever the fuck u want. disrespect me as a person go ahead but please do remember that I once was a professor to you. Keep your shit. Nobody needs it. Stop wasting your and my time.

Do not for one second think that because you can write a 250 word flawless essay, that gives u the right to consider yourself good enough to text me a stupid message like that. you haven't proven anything yet Hershey! Didn't say anything remotely related to what you are claiming! god! Such arrogance! You completely bombed and made my day. Don't ever text me again!

ME: good, atleast we both still know how to make good use of our times. i am not forgetting that u used to be my professor in as much as you are not forgetting that you are no more than JUST that. yes, i AM RANTING & RAVING but atleast I do it w/o bLabbering to the whole damn world!! Ow, did i make your day?! Good justice since u made mine too!! u don't have to tell me never to friggin txt u again coz i hav every bit of intention on doin that very thing. iL give u this final good txt just so that ud get it real embossed in that inflated head of yours that i never got mad about you goin steady w/ that GirL.. so out of effing prudence u once had, don't make me Look Like your SHIT by broadcasting to anyone who'd care to Listen that i was sooo affected w/ ur personal Life. demn

REPLY: Whoever fed u that wrong information ought to be happy now. For the record, and I still maintain, I do not know what u are talking about. Hershey word of advise...go slow with the arrogance. For your own good. Hindi lahat ng tao pwede ka pagpasensyahan. I still wish u the best. Just put your foot where your mouth is. You're still nothing yet. When you've proven yourself worthy of something, anything...then by all means talk as if the world owes you its life. It aint just so yet. Peace out.

ME: ow and for the record, it oughta be 'word of ADVICE, not advise,' in case uve forgotten ur ENG101. arrogant eh?? i Learned from the BEST, trust me. i don't solicit anyone's pagpapasensha coz i always speak w/ good reason & right. Everything's accounted & yes, im not forgetting ur imposed txt ruLe.

REPLY: Thought u got me? consult the websters new world dictionary 4th and latest edition neophyte..u'd be surprised. Think you are good? you are not. You've nothing to brag abt just yet kid

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You know what?! Why don't you go and debate on your "ADVISE" with my journ prof?! im pretty sure you'll both have the time of your lives

And don't even dare come up with the stupid idea that i hate you.. coz i don't. you're not special, honey. It's plain and simple, I JUST DON'T CARE ABOUT YOU!!

After all, whoever cares for the dirt on the sole of their shoes??

That's why it was QUITE INFURIATING, that the dirt on the sole of your shoe would proclaim to the part of the world who listens to him, you are affected by the life he has.

You're really good at one thing, you know?! And that's PISSING ME OFF!!

I don't hate you, but im really really mad. Paradoxical eh??

You know what NR means?? Allow me to refresh your cobwebbed memory: NO REACTION. EXACTLY!! NR was my state when you did that mushy confession thing of yours. So pardon me, but what part of the NO RXN process made you think I was mad at you for wanting someone else?!

Ow, ive already proven myself worthy of something, and its that of being a good gurlfrend to a Palanca-awardee.. you on the other hand, I don't know what you've proven yourself worthy of..

Being a BALD CALL CENTER AGENT, perhaps??

And unlike you, I don't think the world should owe me it's life..

Coz unlike you, I don't need to degrade someone just so that I could have a feel of my self-worth. Pathetic asshole.

Ow, ow before i forget. You think I need pagpapasensha?!

Geezuschrist!! And what is it that you need?!

Nakakalimutan mo naman ata na lagi nalang ako ang nagpapasensha sayo. Pagpapasensha sa pang-aabalang ginagawa mo sa NAPAKA-TINO *emphasis emphasis* kong buhay. Pagpapasensha dahil kailangan mo kong kausapin kahit Exam ko sa finance or quiz ko sa Stat kinabukasan. Dahil kailangang AKO ang makausap mo para di ka magpakamatay. sheeesz.

So dont ever ever make it look like im one of your trash.

And what were your words again?!

".. I Love you.."

".. she makes me feel like im the man and she doesn't make me cry.."

huh, huh??

Do you want me now to apologize for not making you feel like you're the man?!

(coz you're definitely not.)

That the other SHE should make you cry every so often that you had to find someone else who won't?!

Well I definitely hope you've found satisfaction in NOT crying!!

Coz I haven't.

Coz bliss for me is not equated with NOT CRYING.

I may be single but atleast I don't go hunting for sex and relationship just because some self-respecting being had the right nerve to dump me!!

And don't ever argue with me that if I hadn't known you, my life wouldn't be exciting. You are just like anyone else's pathetic love story. You don't know excitement unless you breathe in the same classroom air that in-denial pede's are also breathing in!!

I don't care if im a neophyte, a kid, a NOTHING. When has your opinion ever mattered to me??

The only downside of bein a NOTHING is that i still found myself associated with hypocrites.. the likes of you.

So while you're drivin that rusty Ferrari-wannabe of yours, while you're effing your wife, while you're feeling the airs of someone who KNOWS the world owes him its life because he OWNS one and only one piece of AX item, a dilapidated belt...

I hope you think of me, and think about the particular time when you're ready to give up anything and everything just so that I could be 25, so you wouldn't feel so alone anymore.. because you claim that I am one of the few reasons which make you conclude "All is Still Well"

I hope you remember how well I kept your shit well-hidden.

And then maybe you'd realize I don't deserve the courtesy you've given me.

In as much as you don't deserve that which has been inevitably yours.. from me..

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Lately, I've been thinking of shifting courses.

No, it's not one of my fickle-mindedness attacks..

It's just that..

Journ is not proving to be the course I sorta thought it would be.

Well, it's one thing for you to know how to edit a news article..

It's another to know what to write.

Sheeesh, what good is my subject-and-verb agreement if I can't come up with a substantial content?!

Really really

I've got all these reasons in me to shift courses but none of them involves my parents' coercion.

You see, I've been considering NURSING as my most probable next course.

Why a medical course and not one of the many other "creative courses"?

Because I have quite deduced that there is more to education than knowing your S-V agreement and the frills of maneuvering words..

I mean, why be confined to just that when you could learn a whole lot of other things??

When surely, you won't be forgetting your S-V agreement when you start dedicating yourself to a profession which involves the physiological processes of the Homo Erectus.

*sigh*

It's just that I really envy my friends in Nursing when they do their duties in far-flung communities and they get the immediate feel of solid interaction with all these random people..

C'mon now, my profession entails that someday I would be writing about the society

So why the hell am I not in their communities, seeing them up-close, immersing myself with what's for real?!

I dunno, im really doubting myself right-o.

God help me...
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I know you love me

Maybe not that much

But even a little

And if none of this is true...

I'd still believe it is

..You can't continue loving someone for what he is not..

-FRIDA-

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whew, just through browsing through MAITA's blog

okay, make that PERUSING!!

that girl really brought out the LESBIAN in me!!

THAT MAITA PONCE IS ONE HELLA GIRL!!

she's smart, she acts (theatre acting, as in the real deal!!) she paints and she knows her themes, she's good with her photography, she's a good writer-slash-movie critic-slash-movie fanatic and on top of all that, she's real pretty!!

ANAK NG DIYOS!!

ow, she also loves Natalie Portman

so that's gotta be defined aesthetics, right??

one thing though, she hates cats.. but still

she's really ONE FINE ANAK NG DIYOS!!

hmmm.. i think she also dances.. aaargh, whatever gave her the right to be wide awake when the Creator was sowing the BLESSINGS?!

basta basta, check her out here nalang para malaman nyo kung bakit sha anak ng Diyos at kung bakit sha good cause of Lesbianism ( :

haha, if you could guess who i was google-ing when i happened on her page, then ure my honest to goodness (just add the hyphens) REAL FRIEND!!

Lord, if you can't make me a Johnny Depp in my next life, atleast make me a Maita Ponce..

then maybe i'd be better fitted to my M-A-R-I

aaaaawww, HOTNESS!! another ANAK NG DIYOS!!

THEY are two of the few chosen people who could tell me i am NOTHING

and i wouldn't even flinch

duh, they're anaks ng Diyos, remember?!

ikaw rin gurlfrend, anak ng Diyos

lalo na pag di ka nagsasalita

RUSSIAN BUYOY!!

^__^

A TRIBUTE-- to my Jawbreaker Chubby Cheeks.. In Loving Memory of Palpitating Dwarf ( :

2006-02-23T02:48:00.000-08:00

you know what i still have to do?

i still need to finish the musical script of our class's adaptation of The Merchant of Venice

and you know what i'd rather do?

i'd rather go to a spa right now and have myself wrapped in chocolate cream

while lambasting chuchee's ernie and palpitation's imaginary KIRBY

i'd rather have myself tanned on the shores of Galera as La Nina's howling winds blow off Dwarf's trunks and Gay-Lover's swimsuit

i'd rather be in a hotel in tagaytay right now and watch my card get maxxed-out again with all the room service my tripod will be having..

but you know what, i think i'd still rather do the script i ought to do..

coz my two whores who keep me effingly sane are starring in this production..

and no, i can't take it that they'd be anything less than GLORIOUS.

forgive me if this entry would venerate my bhabez and my gee but you should've known from the title what i intend to write in here..

call me selfish for dedicating this whole entry to the two of them only

but you must know, i have every inch of reason to be SELFISH of them.

i don't have much, but one of my greatest pride is what i share with these two.

i derive the greatest pleasure from being insulted by these two,

coz at the end of the day, chugging down coffee gives us the stamp of sincerity in what we want with our lives..

and then they'd lambast my whole being again after a good serious talk ( :

you know what are the things i hate most?

i hate it when i couldn't be the man to stop my bhabez's heartache and tears

i hate it when i couldn't be the man who drives a good-enough-car to get gee & bhabez home sans the hassle of the metropolitan pollution

i hate it when i couldn't be the man to stop gee's heartbreak over some pederastrian.. ow wait, i don't hate this one ( :

point is, i hate it when i am limited to only doing these much for them when they could be DARNA and CUSTOMIZED JOB INTERVIEWEE in no time for me..

when they could just as easily make me forget that im licking my wounds, because they put sinister humor on his BALD NAME!!

bhabez, i know that you've always wanted things to be just as they were before.. but really, there are things which are meant to stay.. and things which you just have to learn from..

sometimes we cannot exercise the power to pull back the persons we once had.. coz things are better left to their natural course..

and most of the times we lose those that we have ultimately tried to keep..

anger is something which has subsided in me and though i still have to deal with a very unforgetful memory..

can't we just content ourselves with the thrill of what we have loved and endeared??

i know you have loved, and loved you did.. but you couldn't coerce anyone to reciprocate the same way they did before.. time is a great equalizer.. and the lapse of it moves mountains.. it even changes character..

bhabez, gee.. i know that in the immediate time, i couldn't be everything they have been to you.. but God i'm trying..

jaca, jhen, if you're reading this.. please don't hurt bhabez the way they did.. unless ofcourse you're being paid a gazillion to do just that ( :

museums, taxi rides and beer sessions are not the same without the crowd we used to have..

but we still have each other.. we are still a WHOLE.. coz really really, trabahador food tastes different with you guys!!

*mwaaah*

jaca, jhen, i'll be writing you guys a tribute too, only it'd be different coz one i'd publish in Dapitan and the other in Inquirer.

and yeah bhabez, i'd still throw your cigarettes.. and gee, you are still a gay-lover!!

^__^

whew, how long has it been??

2006-02-14T02:55:00.000-08:00

okay, so it really has been quite a long while since my last post and well yeah, right now im listening to Nina's rendition of Anything For You.. sheeez, nothing could be more pathetic than me listening to this when everyone else is out there dinner-dating.. or wooing their dah-lings.. or raping their long-stalked idols aaargh, even my mr. poi kitty has been yowling nonstop for her stray knight to make love to her tonight.. Happy Valentines SH8!!

first things first--

though i look like i just popped out from the deep recesses of this good Earth, hypothetically, i did come out of my mom's cervical canal and poof, monstrosity and evil in flesh--that was 19 years ago, Feb 6 to be exact.. hmmm, no one seems to believe that it was ONLY 19 years ago ( :

ow well for this year, my 19th year fell on a monday and with all the hullabaloo of the AB week, i juz dint feel like goin to school. it's kinda GENE-ic really as bhabez would say. ( : anyhow, i wished that atleast for this year i'd celebrate my birthday without allowing my DEAR DEAR friends to humiliate me.. but peace and serenity flew with the wind the moment i saw my bhabez's humongous mouth, the moment gee concluded that i was all concealer and that jhen and jaca should join me in buying barbecue good for 30 people.. hmmm, these guys couldn't possibly do anything to me that day which involved Mr. AB fleeing the university in fright.. you see, Mr. AB is elusiveness in every BIT of the word and getting even the slightest glimpse of him is like climbing Olympus to behold this god.. sh*t, you're a god!! and im the mushy/hypnotized pagan worshipping a self-made god all too well!! please, please.. YOU CAN'T BE A PEDERASTRIAN!! you just can't be!! FATES couldn't be that cruel, could they?!

im digressing too much.. so there i was with my girls next door, waiting in our room for all those Philo papers when Gene, probably having no idea at all that surprise is an existent event, blurted out to caller Xam that Val and Clang couldnt possibly be in my cribs coz i was still in the room..!!

Aha!! now don't blame me for being a spoiler of my own surprise but i immediately told jhen and jaca, who was MYSTERIOUSLY receiving all these phone calls from her mom, that we'd be heading to my home right-o.. but we had to wait for vangge for a LITTLE while, and you get the picture whenever we wait for vangge ( :

im gonna let the pictures tell the story, but you should know.. ive shed my tears over a mere photo of him with thought balloons. pathetic.. uberly pathetic. i guess it's just bittersweet that i could regain the fragments of what has been lost.. and yet i still couldn't hold onto this one thing i've kept.. that till my supposedly sweetest day of the year, all i have are chances.. chances with my fragments.. and chances of contenting myself with his alter-ego-- that BUCO.

go figure.

bittersweet eh??

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Last Saturday, i was in EK again, this time with Hevan. Mom & Dad followed in the afternoon.

i had a suudden attack of dysmenorrhea and i think you're creative enough to picture moi lying on my belly on a very hot bench.

dysmenorrhea wont go away and dear bro offered to go to 1st aid station to get the medication which i preferred and badly needed.

dear bro came back with a nurse and a wheelchair.

i was wheeled around the theme park on the wheelchair.

i must be really familiarizing myself with the EK staff, 2 weeks before it was with security, now it's a date with the medical staff.

pictures will be uploaded later.

later into the theme park, dad found a digicam and had to return it in the security office.

i went inside and immediately saw the cutie head park attendant who assisted us weeks before.

cutie head park attendant raised his eyes from his fone and bore his gorgeous eyes into mine. *cheesy*

must leave, i think he recognized me. and well, i dint exactly give my real name the last time he asked for it.. for filing purposes of course.

i left the office.. follow me idiot!!

sheeez, dint come after me. fine, then im gonna be your VICTORIA for all-time, hah!!

*__*

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valentines would always suck the moment out of the moment for me. this is not being bitter, this is cold reality.. why oh why should you only find the reason to spread some lovin on the 14th of the second month of the year?! why not spread some lovin on the 1st of the eleventh month of the year, i guarantee, it's gonna be a way lot cooler and freakier ( :

the cab i hailed this morning is painted red.

taxi driver tells me that he's wearing a red underwear.

in front of wendy's are heart-shaped balloons forming an arch to their doorway. and yes, the balloons are red.

one of my profs is wearing a pair of pants. and red they were.

there are boxes of chocolates and gazillions of roses in plain view. most if not all metamorphosized to the overwhelming color of red..

i have nothing against the color red. i love the color red!! it's the dominant color in my wardrobe for all those who'd care to know. but sheeesz, don't drown me in it coz this day is designated for my all-out-hatred for the color red..

i hate the color RED especially when it reminds me there's the color BLUE..

and yellow and green and orange ( :

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dave&rea

i honestly wish i could do more than that..

call it crazy, but some time between talking to rea and looking at the unyielding dave.. i thought of him..

i dunno, i was juz guessing that maybe *my* dawg could talk better sense into my man, dave..

God.. i really missed him..

and the funniest thing is, im no smarter than any lover when it really comes down to it..

coz i know.. i know i'd just find myself taking him back/coming back to him all over again..

a shitty vicious cycle.

please don't tell me that you are actually capable of missing me.. that one movie would remind you of me.. you don't know how hard it has been and still is for me.. you don't know that the smallest details would always bring you here again.. here to my every sinew and every process.. i am barely moving on and along.. you have your wife and all i've got is a poor excuse of your presence in a picture frame.. i think, i see you everytime everywhere.. and i have to hold my breath till my lungs can't take it any longer.. till everything just gets blurry.. till i can convince myself and everyone else you are not missed..

i can do this, i know i can.. i know i could detach myself from a temporary high..

just allow me goodbye.. just allow me time..

dang

^__^

memorias un estudiante--i think my GOD really loves me

2006-01-19T06:54:00.000-08:00

--christmas concert '05--

u know _ _ _ _, <*if i must*> every waking second i spent restless, worryng abt u more than ull ever acknwldge.. i only prayed 2 my God 4 one thng & one thng alone.. that u find & be with that someone who'll spell craziness 4u all ovr again.. i dont care if she's no _ _ _ _ _ _ _.. just as long as she could be as mad&giving as u are.. i dunno y u had 2 keep things lyk ths frm me when u knw u only magnify the hurt u inflict by doin just that.. dangled, disposable-- that's exactly what it feels lyk ryt now.. but u knw me, u knw i nvr blabber abt thngs lyk ths so u need not worry urslf to death of students holding u in contempt because ure being misunderstood.. i cant even hold ths against u.. not when its already chrstmas & the season of good cheer.. bein surrounded by all these sweet voices, i think of u all the more.. & i silently thank my God 4 there is one less lonely person in my world now.. goodnight.. goodbye..

------------------

i hate it when u obnoxiously terrorize a class on their 1st day
i hate it when ur brows furrow 2 explain a single verse of literary prose
i hate it when that AX belt of urs juts out of ur waist 2d dlightful viewng of eevan&bhabez's eyes
i hate it whenever ur outsyd class & all these students, guys,girls&gays alyk would juz crowd around u as if ur some big deal hotshot
i hate it when u say ure drunk & yet u seem 2 b more sober than an UNdrunk man
i hate it when i dont hear frm u 4 a good time & yet i could not NOT ignore u whn u fnally rmmber a SH8 u need 2 dump problms on
i hate it when u had 2 change ur profyl 2 married & mke me absnt myslf frm my classes demeriting me an incentive in ------'s class 4 prfct attndnce
i hate it when u cant have that one thng u most want & dserve
i hate it when i juz cant seem 2 say or do anythng 2 let u knw that ur gonna b olryt, that u can nvr b alone
i hate u, ur every detail, ur every peculiarity, ur every concern.. the very you!!
& i most especially hate it when i can do anythng but hate u.. *beh* Ü

---------------------

"i'd bargain with the devil.. just to be with my girl.. give me one month with her, devil.. then you may take me.. i just wanna be with my girl.."
"if you'd bargain with the devil.. then i'd bargain with my God to bring you back.."

---------------------

"so you're not lovin' me now, huh?? i told you, i don't want you getting this close to me.. i think the perfect image you had of me is all too ruined"
"whatever gave you the idea i had a perfect image of you?!"

..dawg, i saw you and i got that close to you.. and it is only when i got that close to you that i started forming THE perfect image of you.. God, i only saw perfection in you..

--------------------

christmas concert '05
.. and i couldn't even bring myself to hate you.. how could i, how could i when the children's tender voices are serenading me.. how could i hate you when i've foreseen this which has come.. i knew that soon enough you'll be with your ONE and that it's gonna be back to the bleachers for me again.. why can't you just tell me straight-up right from the very beginning that you're getting serious with her.. you knew it's gonna hurt me anyway.. and you knew i could brave it somehow.. why did you have to keep it from me that long..??

--------------------

seeing you that afternoon in that barong, God, what thoughts did i not think?! did i not think that perhaps you were giving your farewell speech?? did i not think that perhaps you were declaring an engagement to your MOST beloved?? did i not think that perhaps you were trying to look really dashing but still, you ended up looking really goofy??

.. that watching the movie ten things i hate about you is like deja vu. reminding me of how much i HATED you..

that i could never bring myself to accompany you in all those places you wanted to be accompanied to. that i have to come up with all these excuses just not to accompany you coz being with you means i could never conduct myself in a way which would not scream to your face, "Shit man, i'm more than madly in love with you."

that as you venerated HER, i silently prayed to the divine beings up there that i'd be able to hear and feel those same words too, from a lover, and if heavens should allow it.. from you.

that sometimes i wonder why you could hear THEIR hearts breaking over you.. but you selectively become deaf to the wails of your dude/ette.

that i have to stop over and over again from typing these words.. trying to brush away THESE, these things which are blurring my vision

that i aint no ms. jrn, that i aint no yspeak correspondent.. i just aint no her.. but that i would stay no matter what.. cast it in stone or steel, cast it in the hardest diamond known to man, dawg i'd stay with you.. if only that is what you wanted.. if only you could just tell me, tell me that there is something there, something not as colossal as that which you have for her.. just something sufficient enough which the days would generate more from..

that try as i may, i could never make you fall in love with your dude/ette.. and i could not blame you.. i was just never the perfect complement for you..

that once upon a time, i dreamt of holding your hands while watching the university's christmas concert. it was a beautiful sight.

that you finally went and got over the girl you loved more than all your past loves combined.. and then you fell in love with another. i looked at you and you were happy...

and i've never seen a more beautiful sight.

God.. she is indeed a very blessed wife.

......................

ow, must ask for jhen's long overdue letter.. hmmm..

now gurlfrend, need i say more about my perfection of a dream lover??

errr.. tagging you again gurlfrend, jhen, bhabez, angelourdes, eevan, phoebz, rafael, shawite!!

so what if some of those people are not visiting my site, still they have blogs and the rules never stated a must on this one

^__^

tsk tsk tsk SHAKLAP!! ( :

2006-01-17T06:22:00.000-08:00

akala ko pa naman wala nang mas nakakapagpadugo kesa mapag-alamang ang minamahal mo ay ikinasal na.. at hindi pa sayo..

ngunit mali ako.. maling-mali!!

mas lapastangan paren pala na makumpirmang ang iniirog mo..

ay mas babae pa sayo..

>__<

aaaaaaaawww gee, i can sooooooo feel your pain!!

c'mon let's start throwin javelins na at all the pederastrians!!

startin with bhabez wheeeeee!!

on second thought, multiple murder ang magagawa naten, punishable by death yun at.. mukhang mauubos pa ang populasyon sa klase naten hmmmmm..

at, at pinakamasaklap paren pala kung malalaman nateng ang mga iniirog pa pala naten ang nagpakasal!!

sheeez

^__^

"...tinatawag nila ang kanilang mga sariling-- BERSATIL na mga INDIBIDWAL" ( :

2006-01-14T08:11:00.000-08:00

whew!! it has been a real long week!!

im just plain overjoyed for goin 1st place with Blue Quill's documentary this year wheee *__*

and im all too overjoyed for some good riddance i had as the outcome of the week's events.

wow, you won't believe how IMELDIFFIC people could be nowadays, you know, the kind of people who could be so proud and arrogant with themselves without even bothering to check on the "investigative journalists" who happened to witness the skeletons they hide in their closets!! wow, really, what spirit they have.

ow well, i guess the sealed portfolio takes care of that.

anyhow, i remember this flick "The Girl Next Door"

the lines-- "I can never forget... the three legs of a tripod... and the girl next door."

BHABEZ, GEE i could not even begin to stretch the language to tell you two just how thankful i am to my Almighty God for ending up with you. sige na hindi ko na paduduguin ilong niyo, sobrang relieved lang ako every time na bago ako matutulog, i can tell myself, "Kahit binababoy ng mga taong to ang kabuuan ng pagkatao ko, ayos lang... they are still the same persons who'd give me enough sanity to continue fighting. literally. tig-didiyes, tig-didiyes, tig-didiyes, tenenenenen yesssssssssssssh!! mahal ko kayo. sobra." We ARE the TRIUMVIRATE.. truly, the three legs of a tripod. Fun, Hilarity are understatements when im with you guys!! Salamat sobra sa pagnanais niyong hawakan ko ang live wire!! >__<

The GIRLS Next Door. ang gurlfrend JACA q, ang wala pang-alam-na-si JHEN q, ang vaughmshell Eevan q kahit na nilalamas nya na ang buong katauhan ko, cge na nga c vangge naren at c joiz q!!

these GIRLS NEXT DOOR, they were the ones who stood by me when i was all too hating and mad, i was ready to throw a javelin at the next PEDERASTRIAN i see, which would be bhabez most probably ( :

bstah, i was just too OVERLY overwhelmed to feel these guys backing me up at the most crucial points.. well somehow it was sad because i never thought i'd live to see the day they would be backing me up when people i believed to be loyal to me suddenly betrayed the confidence i had in them.. and went on the frontier against me/the tripod..

indeed, you could never choose who to fall in love with..

and all this time, i beholded them and beamed at myself for having found GOLD..

who could've thought they were pyrite.. mere FOOL's gold.

in all of this, i think i learned one thing about myself--

i need REAL practice in assessing someone's character..

coz i ought to start seeing people for who they really are, not for the perfect phantasm i have of them.

I really think i deserve the kind of friendship which is secure enough to understand that i would rather have myself subjected to lies, controversies and be affected by them just so that i could blanket THEM from the exact same things..

the kind of friendship who could see me inside-out and be intelligent enough to know that i could NEVER utter the lines "STEALER OF IDEAS" to the same people whom i shared the best memories with..

and more than anything else, i need the kind of friendship that'd appreciate in the very least the rationality i have and be able to trust the things that i do.. to feel it in themselves that i do the most objectionable things coz i believe they need a self-righting process.. coz i see the discipline that i see, and i don't want a reason to hate them for leaving me hanging..

ow Dear Lord, im guessing i got my birthday gift a wee bit early, huh?? ooohhh, thank You for giving me the facility to be this angry.. because it just reminds me i've got every inch of reason and right to be this seething mad and hating..

and the most gnawing-at-the guts-question i have right now is.. if i had willed myself to join another group all along, do i stand the chance of having with them what i had with those guys??

My God, if you could answer me with a "yes" to that, then why.. why do i have to fall in love with them?? isn't it enough that (long ago), i fell in love with a very wrong guy?! now, must you really allow me to fall madly in love with such wrong person(s)?!

.. for all that glisters is not gold..

you could only try being the right person for them for so long, after that you start asking yourself, "WHAT EXACTLY IS THE POINT??"

bhabez asked me if i could ever find it interspersed between my anger and hatred to forgive those guys..

LIKE duh?? how are you supposed to serve forgiveness where it is not solicited?? where there is only miserably misplaced arrogance and pride..

Forgive them-- hypothetically possible.

but i don't think i could ever forgive myself, for having been fooled into loving that much, and thinking for a second there that i mean more than JUST THAT to them..

-__-

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with a thousand-peso-purchasing-power on our hands--

Bhabez: "I'm like gonna buy a new fone!! Ikaw Gee??" ;p
Gee: "Bibili ako ng lalaki!! 'to talagang may crush saken oh, i think he's forgetting to get my number!!" .Ü.
I: "I'm gonna buy myself NEW TAMAGOTCHI's!!"

..well atleast these PETS/pests won't fall short of the little expectation i have of them.

^__^

beauty or strength?? gotta love football!! ^__^

2005-12-14T05:09:00.000-08:00

wheee, so gotta love foozball!! with all the mud it has to offer, who wouldn't go wild?!

though, ive gotta bear in mind to cover my nose when i headbutt the ball, or else.. or else i ruin yet another SPORADIC date of my JACA bu-wahahahahaha alabhe girlfriend!!

never thought j-U-ngle b-A-lls could inspire such melancholy and nose-bleeding, rytie pet fatees?? ( :

uhmmm, okay so my girlfriend tagged me to put in five songs here and to tag five people as well--

so here are the top 5 songs playing in my mind right now:

5. My Humps- Black Eyed Peas-- huli kong dinownload sa limewire bago nag-kras pc q na thankfully ngayon ay working na ule!!

4. di ko alam title eh, basta matandang kanta and it goes like this-- "Darling, you can count on me lalalalalalala.. devoted to you" *smile, vocalist ata aq pag nag-battle of the bands kame with my girlfriend!! ( :

3. I just don't know what to do with myself- White Stripes-- fave namen ni ate video nyan.. aaargh, i miss her sooo much!! ( :

2. I would do anything for love (full version)- Meatloaf -- "would you cater to every fantasy i've got.." ??

1. yung christmas song na pinapatugtog sa malls na hanggang ngayon ay di q alam ang title.. kinanta sha ni britney spears.. ata,, ( : "Santa, can you hear me?? I have been so good this year.. lalalalala"

ow, inform me right away when you recognize the songs i don't know the title to, mmm-kay??

and now im tagging.. hmmm..

bu-wahahahahaha only a handful know this site!!

here goes nothing:

1. bhabez q!! buhayin mo na ang blog mo!! ( :
2. pet fatees, may blog ka diba?!
3. eevan, kung magawi ka man dito. ule. ( :
4. balik tag gurlfriend jaca!!
5. at shempre, di ka ligtas JHEN!! ( :

wheee!!

^__^

dashing through the rain and never been kissed-- caution: not your kind of sunny entry

2005-12-13T06:06:00.000-08:00

it felt all too good, to hold your CLOSED umbrella in one hand and jog along wet streets as a furious downpour soaks you and your backpack..

it felt so good, to feel the steady stream of water on your face.. to feel it blur your vision.. to feel it cloud your thoughts..

it just felt good to know that in that rain, no one's tears are falling.. or at least, no one would notice..

it's funny that every movie i see should remind me of him.. maybe that's how it is, when you're this low, everything just seems to be a constant reminder of him.. you do a marathon of korean movies and no matter how shallow and unconvincing the storyline is, you still end up wishing you could have a little bit more of that in real life.. and then you look up..literally.. you look up coz it's the only way you could muster a smile despite the tears which threaten to spill..

and then you see your all-time-favorite-romantic movie, NEVER BEEN KISSED..

the only proper way of watching and judging a movie is by seeing yourself in that one specific moment and then making sure you rise above it..

shit..

how do you rise above this, huh?! how do you rise above a moment when just as you've promised him there is absolutely nothing which could drive you away from him, he deserts you.. without a single word to keep you posted, he just brings it all down to your face in one blow of a serving.. like you pleaded with him to have you instead, like you so much as obliged him to be with you..

and you know what it's like for him to dangle before you that which you had for him, allow him him to use it against you, think that for whatever reason and at the most, he considers you a friend.. then the second he finds a woman that good.. he discards you.. no story to tell, no notification of God-knows-what kind, no nothing!! you were just left there discarded..?!?! IT'S YOU BEING DISPOSABLE--that's exactly how it feels like..

but then again, the ending of Never Been Kissed went with Drew Barrymore not having her guy at that exact time she expected him to be there.. Almost in tears, she drops the microphone as if to signify the hardest of all defeats has been thrown her way.. and then he comes, late with the excuse that it took him forever to get there.. and then the movie becomes your all-time-favorite because it ended like that..

one could see it in two ways, the first and the utterly sophomoric way of looking at it is that, you may not have your guy now but sooner or later, he'll come around.. but lemme tell you how you should look at it-- The Count of Monte Cristo way--

The Count of Monte Cristo said, that in this world there is no real happiness or pain, there is only a comparison of two states.. for you to be happy, you must know what it's like to be in pain..

.. and for you to be truly happy, you should've first experienced searing pain..

so I'm really thankful of a good news from this thing my friends and i have labored on-- i guess with all my hurting, this news gives me a brand-new momentary excuse to be that happy..

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and you know you couldn't hate him.. can't even get mad at him.. not even close..

for how could you possibly hate someone you.. you care that much for.. someone you learned a great deal from.. someone you know you'd always..

someone once told me that when you love someone, you can never UNLOVE them anymore..

and while i would give anything and everything to debunk an assertion this confounding..

i know, i'd have more in myself arguments to support the statement..

coz really, when you love someone.. no matter how you've moved on.. a part of you, that part of you which remains unwittingly beholden to the past, shall continue loving him..

i could not unlove him.. but maybe i could DE-LOVE him..

Semantics would rule that de-love is such an abomination of the language.. but i'd use it anyway

to DE-LOVE would mean, to finally give up on that tiniest speck of HOPE that you could be His ONE..

yes, i could definitely de-love him..

just not tonight..

coz it still hurts like hell..

^__^

been there.. and will be there for all time..

2005-11-18T07:16:00.000-08:00

wow!!

i know that things are getting all hyped up at the moment what with all the deadlines and requirements we gotta meet,

but i simply would not let the night pass me by without writing this down..

the re-affirmation of what has long been a doctrine to my senses and beingness..

I AM A FILIPINO

and nothing, no one

COULD EVER MAKE ME WANT TO CHANGE JUST THAT!!

call it didactic, maybe even seemingly unreal and a futile reach at nationalism as well as patriotism..

but I've seen what I've seen, heard what I heard and with full-blast certainty, felt what i felt..

hmmmmmm..

In good time guys, we shall be play our parts and be integral to our GAWAD KALINGA

We shall be one with their causes and start a revolutionary legacy..

Wherever this burning takes us,

Whatever lies ahead, yet outta sight..

I am just sooo gaddumn thankful I was able to partake of the whole overwhelming experience with you guys..

Our kites will fly together in the rain..
(oo na, sige na, gasgas na kung gasgas.. nevertheless, truth in itself..!!)

mwaaah

walang ma-le-LATE ha!!

bu-wahahahahaha

^__^

CARTMANN says: "su-weet guys" ( :

2005-11-08T03:50:00.000-08:00

and this time, i AM in no way dreamin about it!!

i bumped into my "panaginip" as i was goin down the overpass..

and well, we said our casual hellos..

aaargh, how much i just wanted to whisk him away from my delicious dreams to make all of it forealz!!

bu-wahahahahahahaha

ow, and somehow, someone must've gotten this cosmic message that SEÑORA MAMA rattled me off earlier...

and he told me he was doin fine in Korea,,

HAH!! ya dunno me if you don't get that one!!

^__^

it's gonna be one, LOOOOOOOONG night ( :

2005-10-31T05:34:00.000-08:00

it's gonna be one, loooooong night!!

can't believe that i spent a good four hours on just one part of the mall

but i rili dont care..

i rili don't care if i won't be havin even one wink tonight coz i pretty much downed more of my caffeine fix than usual..

i rili don't care coz i wanna stay up anyway

i wanna recollect every second of smile-filled-catching-up-on-one-another's-life-conversation i had with him

i wanna bask in the moment we were both able to conclude, we found each other again and.. we are back together ( :

now that's something worth telling to friends: A STORY FOUR YEARS IN THE MAKING!!

and it just took one selfless act to bring the stroryline to a most beautiful conclusion.. with sequels of course!!

dang it!!

we've waited long enough to be more than just in love!! ^__^

*sounds familiar, eh??*

i love this feeling.. ow i just love this feeling.. this feeling of finally having found AGAIN someone who'll be running WILD with you.. someone who finally reassured you that you STILL belong to one another..

call it cheesy, but im just sooo gaddumn in this blissful state to even care!!

bu-wahahahahahahahaha

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the gods must've heard this goddess in distress

coz poof!! this PC's back to action again!!

i'll be uploading the pix real soon guys, don't ya worry!! ( :

in the meantime, to give you the real HALLOWEEN SCARE..

imagine i'm with you tonight!!

*tagaytay it is,,*

^__^

system downcrash: ooops i did it again!! ( :

2005-10-29T03:54:00.000-07:00

ooops i did it again!!

another computer has yet crashed under my (mis)management

jeez, didn't know too much editing of someone's pic could actually trigger a virus in your computer system *winks @ bhabez & fatweesh*

ow well, right now i would have to make do with my old PC.. old yet trusty & dependable, yey!! my baby!!

aaawww, miss my baby sooo much!! baby, if you're reading this.. *mwaaah*

im referring to my biological baby, ok!! aaaw, which reminds me he's not even through reading one whole sentence yet!!

Luvyou baby, & here's hoping you'll get well real soon for memei hehehe

note to everyone:
LUMALAKI NA SI JULEIN!! bu-wahahahahaha

^__^

sun-kissed tips, dreamy dozes

I. AM. NO. WOMAN. AT. ALL. (reposted from marengs chiqui and hentai; addendum: koment)

artista na pala ako, shiettt!! hahaha ( :

I guess I'll always be alone.. hahaha (reposted from Mareng Raye's) :p

Takoyaki and Literotika for the Annoyed

To Do Something Spontaneous, You'll Need...

Policemen. They do Serve. They do Protect.

A Very Sex and The City-ish | Clueless-ish Prattling

Passiva-Aggressiva

dude, foreseeable eh??

dude, foreseeable eh??

E-HEADS REUNION CONCERT

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HOT MOMMA | Mechanical Bull | Eheads Concert

"pakingsheeettt, banda" Read this, Nikki Avila. ( :

"my problem, not yours"

About time dah-ling.

Walang mahirap na trabaho sa malaking sweldo ( :

read novia's post and got tagged!! happily obliged ( :

sabado night with the perezes ( :

after the holy week sabbatical

The Emperor and the Porifera

it's the after-party wuhoo!! ( :

Season's Cheers

ooohhh, wait, a new thesismate?? ( :

a wee bit late. hah. ( :

up for a long entry??

weaving deceit, hmmm..

if you don't heart me na..

*sigh* what some people can do

wheee, im blogging.. ( :

ho-humn.. ( :

Pls. repost, pls. forward. This one's for our University-based Hospital. The DISSOLUTION of the UST Hospital Inc.

Goya Milk Choclit

c'mon, work with me.

sobriety goes by the name BLOODMOON

stoofid langaw in my chocolate drink

must watch PISAY ( :

ANG SARILI; THINESELF

it's called BARELY BREATHING : )

im booked for the 11th ( :

i need a cheat sheet.

BUMMERS

sleep is a good friend.

dazed yet unfazed, hallow and sleepless

Tell my pain killer.. :' (

Whatta Rip-Off

two days before i turn TWENTEEN

the problem with some drivers..

a new year entry, and it's not punctual ( :

before i join lance cpl. smith..

wake me up when december ends..

how could i ask for more?? ( :

third's the charmer *winx*

surprise surprise Ü

it is never easy to say i can

between doing and enduring

My dearest friends, I have departed

RANDOMNESS Ü

TUMMY TALKS

EEEGADS!!

A TRIBUTE-- to my Jawbreaker Chubby Cheeks.. In Loving Memory of Palpitating Dwarf ( :

whew, how long has it been??

memorias un estudiante--i think my GOD really loves me

tsk tsk tsk SHAKLAP!! ( :

"...tinatawag nila ang kanilang mga sariling-- BERSATIL na mga INDIBIDWAL" ( :

beauty or strength?? gotta love football!! ^__^

dashing through the rain and never been kissed-- caution: not your kind of sunny entry

been there.. and will be there for all time..

CARTMANN says: "su-weet guys" ( :

it's gonna be one, LOOOOOOOONG night ( :

system downcrash: ooops i did it again!! ( :

sigh what some people can do

third's the charmer winx